All about Minimizing

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Fatty Forever

Fatty forever...that may just be me.

This morning one of the ladies that works in my office brought in a bunch of Easter candy she didn't want at her house.  A giant freaking bowl of chocolate!!!  I was in the kitchen when she came in and sat it down, I sooooo very casually looked at it when I walked past on my way back to my desk...then I sat and fantasized, I schemed.  For four hours I held out, but I finally lost the war.  I made two more 'recon' trips to the kitchen, it was like freaking Mission Impossible when I went in for the snatch.  On trip number one I spotted the Cadbury Egg, on trip two someone else was in there.  I went back a third time, looked around and grabbed that little sucker.

Then it got even worse. Already I am feeling humiliated and defeated, so why not just compound that!!  I TOOK IT TO THE BATHROOM TO EAT IT!!!!!!!!  In the effing bathroom!!!!!!! Sweet baby Jesus, I am a crackhead.  Hiding in the effing s**tter with my little foil wrapped bundle of crack.  I scarffed that thing down so fast it made my pouch hurt and the whole time I was cussing at myself.  

I am just 10days out from surgery and already sabotaging my success.  I don't want to tell Peaches and I tell him everything.  I know he won't be mad or make me feel bad, but it's like sharing my humiliation out loud makes it more permanent and real.  So I am telling you all and logging it in MFP, all 150 calories and 25 GRAMS OF SUGAR!!  For eff's sake the whole thing only weighs 39 grams.   UGGGG, what the efifity eff did I just do and more importantly why the effity eff did I do it?

I am also having a hard time getting my water in this week, I do really well at work.  Keep that mug in front of me all the time, but at home I get distracted.  I have not hit 64oz in the last two days.  I will be working on this today, working diligently!  Also I will be talking myself out of the 200yard walk to Target to see if they have any Cadbury eggs left on clearance, because that's really what I want to do. 


  1. The thing to remember is, you have a life time of habits that you need to work on, I would say congratulations on holding out for 4 hours!!! I realize that probably sounds bad to you, but seriously sista, I've had a bowl of crack, I mean reeses mini PB eggs at my desk and have been taking about 1 or 2 an hour since I got here this morning. Why do I have them? Because I gave the rest of the bag to Robyn and held onto a few of them for myself.

    The thing is, food isn't bad, not even the foil wrapped kind of food that has lots of sugar. Everything in moderation is the key. ONE piece of candy ... not a deal breaker. Now hopefully you actually took your time with it and enjoyed it, though it sounds like you may have fallen back in previous habits. That's ok too though, it's a learning process and it's not going to happen overnight.

    Just my thoughts on what has helped me. : ) Now to get rid of the rest of the candy at my desk. Hmmm.... : )

  2. If you can hold out - I promise the success feels better than eating the candy..... I totally get it, I live through the constant food on my mind thing everyday... It is torture, but like Cat says it is a life time of habits to break....

  3. Forgive yourself and move on. Morgan you can do this...also this pre op diet and post op you have not been eating you may be feeling deprived.

  4. Its a mental game and it doesn't happen over night. Smack yourself on the hand and move on! We have all been there!

  5. from the girl who just microwaved two dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and is 11 days out from surgery....I hear you and raise a big glass of chocolate protein shake to you....Here is to a new day tomorrow!

  6. It happens to the best of us! Tomorrow is a new start- don;t be so hard on yourself :)

  7. This is part of the process. You live and you learn. I think a huge part of this weight loss process is mental... head hunger, cravings etc, its all in your head. And the best part is that you realize that there is something wrong... waiting until no one is around, feeling ashamed, eating in the bathroom... as a lifelong closet binger, I know how hard it is to break those habits. Try tracking all of your food (I use MyFitnessPal) and it helps me track everything I eat. That way I stay accountable to myself. You can do it... we believe in you! xxx