All about Minimizing

Monday, April 30, 2012

**WARNING** Graphic content

It's been four days now, since I was able to make a #2.    I am eating fiber chews twice a day, taking EFAs once a day and drinking a ridiculous amount of water.  I pee 500 million times a day, but any #2  is stuck.  I have called my weight loss doctor to see what I else I can do to help this, because it is getting ridiculous.  Even the poopy I had on Thursday was like birthing a baby or what I imagine having a baby is like.  There was cussing, sweating and lamaze breathing involved.

Eating (or not eating) has been hard, hard, hard.  I am still on pureed food until Wed, when I hopefully get my first fill.  And believe me, I NEED that fill.  I am supposed to only eat 1/2c of food at a time and I am doing my best to stay there, but I am sure I am eating more than that at least half the time.  I am also snacking, I don't stay full very long if I even feel it at all.  I am still making good choices, my snacks are applesauce or sting cheese.  I just want the restriction back that I felt the first couple weeks!!  I noticed that I have one little stitch sticking out of my port incision that I hope my doc will take care of while I am in there.  Peaches just wants to pull on it really hard, I am worried that I will come 'unzipped' and all my guts will fall out or something!

I will also get cleared for exercise other than walking on Wed, I hope.  I want to get my personal trainer party started!  I am really anxious to get in the gym and get my sweat on.  This weekend I picked up a pair of New Balance shoes for the gym, they do not allow outside shoes in there.

This weekend I had some really strange pains in my band area when I woke up in the mornings.  It would go away after two or three hours, but felt like a cramp.  Anyone else have this problem?

Thanks for all your advice with the family next door, I have not made any choices on what to do about them.  I am really worried that if I complain to anyone about it they will try and hurt my animals again.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

A little non-band help request......

Soooo....all you ladies out there with kids, I need a little help.  Last fall a family with seven kids moved in next door to us, I personally don't want kids but I do love them.  However, we quickly ran into some problems with these neighbors.  They would pile all their leaves/snow in our driveway, they shot at my cat with a BB gun, they took a package off my porch (I have a super nosy neighbor across the street, she sees everything!!).  After the BB gun and package incidents I went over to talk to the mother, she basically told me to bug off.  Two days later the cops were at my door because someone reported us as hoarders and neglectful to our animals.  Thankfully the cops came in looked at the clean, uncluttered house, chubby, happy puppies and kitties with food, water, a cupboard full of treats, a box full of toys and realized there was no validity.  They apologized profusely and left, going immediately next door to talk to them.  I can only guess they were the ones that called.  After this incident things started to calm down. 

Now that the weather is getting warmer more problems have arisen.  First we started coming home to all these muddy dirty splotches on the side of the house that faces theirs, it seems the kids are crossing a 10 ft tall hedge row to throw mud pies at my house (nosy neighbor saw them do it).  Then they got a trampoline that they put in the side yard (again right next to my house) and they jump and scream on it all evening long.  Now when I say scream, I don't mean a little hoot or holler with glee.  I mean 45 second long ear splitting screams because one or the other is mad, screams so loud that my dog (who never ever ever barks) will start barking.  Yesterday they added a pool, again on the side closest my bedroom window.  This added another place for lots of fighting and SCREAMING!!!  I know from past experience that talking to the parents will not be helpful, but I really can't take the screaming all summer long.  I get up around 5:15-5:30am so I go to bed around 9:30-10:00pm.  They are sometimes out there screaming until 10-11, even on school nights.  My question is, am I just being a horrible person and this is normal kid behavior?  Should I just invest in earplugs and live with it?  I know when I was growing up my parents were big on respect and screaming for the sake of screaming would not have been tolerated, but maybe I am just an old fuddy duddy!!  Anyone with a magic recipe for getting kids to quiet down please send it to me!!   

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Another Crazy Weekend

Whew!  Life has been throwing little poop balls at me for four days now!  On Friday about 17sec before I left for the weekend I get a phone call from my manager.  Apparently there was a big project that someone forgot to mention to our department, a project that needed to be ready for print by today at 2:30p.  I spent about 4 extra hours at work on Friday, 5-6 hours working at home on Sat morning, 9 hours on Sunday and was at work at 5:30a on Monday.  After a review meeting on the project yesterday, I spent another 6 hours working from home last night and another early morning and FINALLY we are done!!  I have my life back.

Here are my most recent stats, my boobies are shrinking daily.  I have already started a little savings account for plastic surgery, because mama wants a perky pair of boobies eventually!

Date Neck Arm Bust Chest Waist HD Hips Thigh Calf Weight
03/05/11 16.75 16 50.25 42 45.5 53 49.25 31.5 17.5 295.5
03/18/12 16.75 14 48.5 40.5 43.25 52.5 48.5 30.25 17.25 263.4
04/01/12 16.5 14 47.5 41.25 42.5 52 47.5 30.25 17 253
04/08/12 16.25 14 47.25 40 41.75 52.25 47.5 29.5 16.75 249.8
04/16/12 16.5 14 46.75 39.5 41 50.5 47 29.25 17 246
04/22/12 16 14.25 46.5 38.5 41 50.5 47 29 16.75 243

Started week two of purees yesterday...and it can't go fast enough!!  I have taken several small liberties this week, like string cheese and cottage cheese.  These are not specifically on my 'approved' list, but I thought they would be ok.  I don't really ever feel physically full anymore, not while I am eating 1/2c at a time.  Any feeling of satisfaction I get from the food lasts about 2-2.5 hours, so I am ready for a fill already!!  FO SHO!!

On a side note...has anyone else discovered the deliciousness that is Downton Abbey?  OMG, hot British guys...yum!!  In the small amount of down time I had this weekend I watched the first season and will start the second sometime this weekend.  Total sexalicious drama!

Friday, April 20, 2012


I have gotten a couple comments and emails from soon to be bandsters about my two last two posts.  I just want to make it clear that in NO WAY do I regret getting the band and I don't doubt that I will be successful, even with dealing with this mental crap.  I have never felt more hope or motivation to lose this weight!!  So please, please, please don't let my whining make you re-think your decision.  But honestly it is a battle for me to make the right choices, at this point.

Bandster Hell cont....

I made Peaches take a new route to work this morning, on the normal street we go down 'Fast Food Alley'.  There is a KFC, Wendy's, McDonalds, Taco Bell, Taco Johns, Pizza Hut, Chalet Market (a local sammie shop I LOVE) and Hardees.  I just look at them all and dream.  I am really dieting at this point, I am pretty sure I could fit anything I wanted to into my belly. 

I was talking to Peaches about this and he wanted to know why I am feeling this so much right now.  I had a mini-breakdown when I told him that he was a jerkface skinny jerky jerk and would never understand, I went to my flowerbeds and started digging.  While I was digging I did a lot of thinking and here is my theory....I am feeling sorry for myself.  If I could just have a grilled chicken breast with grilled zuchini, I really think I would not even want the junk.  I just want real food, not food I can eat with a straw!!  Woe is me!!  BUT I still have just over a week on pureed food and then two weeks on soft foods and my surgeon has scared the poop out of me on what could happen if I move too fast.  So I will stay the course, but I can't promise that Blanche won't venture out of her cage....maybe for the entire next month. 

I told Peaches all of this and he let me know he would be staying with his friend Hank for the next month, but would be home on Wed nights to take out the garbage.  Hahaha, he thinks he is soooo funny!!  So, my plan...I went through Narcotic Anonymous when I was 20.  I worked the 12 steps and have been sober for 12yrs  4mnths and 6 days.  I will use the rules for getting sober to get me through this.  One day at a time and if that is too long then one hour or one minute.  After telling Peaches all of this I then had to apologize for flipping my s*it and even though he was not mad, I felt the need to make up.  So I burned more calories!! 

Thursday, April 19, 2012

The First Circle of Bandster Hell

The swelling in my tummy has gone down A LOT in the lastr hree days, this means I no longer feel full on the 1/2c of food I am supposed to be eating every four hours.  I WANT MORE!!  I want it! I want it! I want it!  And I don't want more of the super duper proteined up cauliflower puree I made, no I want a freaking hot dog, or a hamburger or a piece of cake.....or a mother effing cinnabon!!!

Yesterday I was a good friend, I drove two friends of mine to the airport.  They were talking about getting something to eat on their layover in Salt Lake.  I told them laughingly about how I used to make sure I flew Delta because there is a Cinnabon at the end of the Delta concourse, so no matter how short the time between flights I knew I could run down there and get one.  About two hours after dropping them off I get a picture of a HUGE cinnabon and a message saying ' I thought of you when I ate this'.  B*tch, what a b*tch.  I know she didn't do this to be mean and even a month ago I would have just laughed.  But now I dream not only about the doughy, gooey deliciousness of the Cinnabon, I dream about punching her in the face after I eat it.....ok not really.....well I did think about it, but I am not really the violent type.

So my fantasies about Cinnabon on top of my reduced swelling/restriction are making me angry and irritable.  I even looked up the calories of a Cinnabon...a mere 880!!  ONLY 880!!  Considering that is what I take in for an entire day right now, holy cracker jack! 

I go see my surgeon again on 05/02, I am hoping with all I have in me that I get a fill.  Even two weeks just seems soooooo long.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Puree in, equals puree out

Well I am rocking the purees, but my digestive system is not really loving it.  On Monday it was a one full months of liquids, so I think it might be protesting it a bit.  I spent a lot of the night in the potty and I will be working from home today so I don't need to worry about any shared restroom embarrassment at work.  Peaches also went to the store before work to pick up some flushable wipes, as my bum was hurting a bit.  I LOVE to work from home, I get wear yoga pants and tee shirts, multi-task with laundry and dishes and cuddle with my puupies and kitties during conference calls.

All went well yesterday with my Barium Swallow, everyone seemed pleased with the placement of the band.  My surgeon thinks I will be ready for a fill when I come in for my one month visit.

One thing I have not talked too much about is my goals, I don't really have a goal weight.  I know when I was in college and playing rugby I weighed 150-155, had a six pack and was pretty solid, but I just don't see that being where I want to be now.  After talking to my weight loss doctor I have picked a tentative number of 175, but will just wait until I feel good and stop I guess.  I do have one number and date in mind though, that is 190 by November 15th.  For Christmas this past year I got Peaches a 12 day trip to the Costa Rica (he has never been out of the country).  And a lot of the activities have a weight limit of 200 on them, so by the time we leave on Nov 15th I would like to be at least 190 (leaving some wiggle room) so I will be able to ride horses, zip line and parasail.

This post is kind of random, I know.  But I wanted to update everyone on my gym tour yesterday.  It was with Apex Personal Training and Fitness.  The owner and the two trainers I met were awesome, they realized that I have special nutritional needs and asked for more information on what that would be.  So instead of just trying to force their stuff on me, they wanted to learn about what my nutritionist suggests.  I did not feel one ounce of judgement for my weight or surgery and even felt a little excitement from them at 'getting their hands on me'!!  The gym is small, but has everything I might need.  I also got a new '10 pack' pass to the yoga studio in town that I love.  I still have two weeks before I am released for lifting over 10 lbs and serious working out, but I think I am ready for it!

Two different times I found myself just staring into my open fridge, prowling for something to eat.  Thankfully I didn't have anything too bad in the house, but if it had been there I think I would have shoved it all down!!  I am not really hungry, I just want my mouth!  So the first time I went to the fridge, I did the laundry and wiped down my washer and dryer instead.  The second time I took two of my pups for a walk.  If I am conscience of it, I can catch the behavior and avert it, but sometimes it just sneaks up on me, then it's like nude mud wrestling to get it in line.  I just keep telling myself I am building new habits, and on those new habits I will build my new life.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Sweet, sweet purees....How I love thee

Let me count the ways:
1.     Variety
2.     I get to pretend chew
3.     Varitey

That about sums it up!! 

I had home made refried black beans and chicken, squished up avocado/lemon juice and Greek yogurt for dinner.  It was heaven!!  This morning I had a squished up banana and Greek yogurt, again heaven.  Now I am sure two weeks from now I will be b*tching about the puree stage, but for now I will revel in the bliss that it is. 

I am going to tour a gym right by my house tonight, they have a really cool 'full service' personal training program that I am all excited about!!  For my monthly fee I will get access to the gym, two session a week with my trainer, monthly body composition testing (letting me know my muscle mass vs fat mass), monthly health counseling sessions (where we go over nutrition, goals, lifestyle changes), monthly fitness assessments (cardio and flexibility), exercise assignments for the days I am not with my trainer and the rental of a body bug to track my calories burned and such.  My dad has even offered to pay for my first month to get me on track with my new lifestyle, so I am super excited.  I did have some apprehension about even looking for a trainer, I had a really bad interaction with my a trainer at my old gym.  He basically told me I was cheating and I disgusted him more for doing the surgery than for being fat.  So I emailed the owner of Apex Personal Training and just laid it out.  I am a morbidly obese woman, ready to get my life back.  I am willing to do the work and I have the added help of a Lapband.  Is there a trainer there that would be willing to help me on my journey, if not FINE but be honest.  I refuse to listen to BS.  He wrote me back and said they have several clients that had WLS and his philosophy is they will work as hard as me to get me where I want to be, but they will NEVER work harder than me.  So I set the pace.  I am super excited!!  Also Peaches can join too for just an additional $10 a month.

I came home to a surprise yesterday, Peaches got me a shirt with what will now be my new motto...

 I love the Muppets and I have been facing some hatin on the issue of my Lapband so it really rang home!!  He got it in a XXL, XL and a L, he is sooo adorable. 

Monday, April 16, 2012

Back from the Doctor!

My doctor said everything is looking good, I was finally able to remove the last of the steri-strips, yah!!!  However my surgeon has asked for a barium swallow test, because she used a large band and just wants to make sure everything is still where is is supposed to be on the inside.  I will be doing that tomorrow morning and I am a little nervous about it.  (I talked to Peaches about this, he assured me I am good at swallowing and have nothing to worry about...hahahahaha.) But really I am letting my what-iffer and anxiety kick into overdrive!!  What if it was too lose and has moved and they have to do surgery and my insurance won't cover it for some reason and ...and ....and ...well that's as far as I have gotten so far.

I am going to start going back to yoga, going to a slow and gentle class tonight.  I am hoping this will help me center myself and find my chi again, I seem to have misplaced it!

I need another weekend!!

I came to work this morning feeling cheated, like I didn't actually get a weekend.  BOOOO!!

For Christmas Peaches and I gave his brother and sister-in-law a gift certificate to a Chico Hot Springs Resort (this amazing little hotel with a HUGE naturally heated pool and an amazing restaurant), along with a 'coupon' for a weekend of babysitting.  They cashed in this past weekend, so we had Niece 1 (10 yrs) and Niece 2 (4 years).  Friday night we took them for pizza, Sat night we bar-b-qued and rented a movie and yesterday the girls and I had a 'girl' date and went to lunch and to see Mirror Mirror.  I love to be Auntie Morgan for the weekend, but holy cracker jack kids are a TON of work.  I really admire all you moms out there.

We also got all of our landscaping done in the yard, whew!!  I thought the rototiller I rented was going to be one of those cute little things that you just walked behind....WRONG-O!!!  It was a huge beast of a thing that nearly shook the poo out of me if I tried to use it.  Peaches did the tilling while I used the power rake and mowed.  Then we both shoveled dirt, sand and gravel.  Now I am pretty sure I pinched a nerve or something, my left side is weak and tingly. 

On the band front, I go for my two week visit with my weight management doctor and nurse today.  M, my nurse/guru, will be going over the Pureed Stage with me and I will start on that tonight!!  I can't wait, it makes my heart happy to think about getting closer to solid foods.  I am kind of nervous though, the batteries in our scale are dead and they are these weird 3v disc batteries and it seems like every time I am at a store I forget them, even when they are on the list....maybe it's a sub conscience thing.  Anyway I have not weighed myself since last Tue!!  I am thinking of asking if I could get naked to weigh at the Dr office today.

Something else that has my crazy what-iffer brain going off is my port.  It is still pretty sore and it seems like it is 'taller' now.   Like it is sticking out more.  I start going over stuff in my head, like lifting a laundry basket three days after surgery...did my port flip??  I can what-if anything for hours and hours.  My surgeon did tell me that she sews the port onto a piece of surgical mesh (the kind used to repair hernias) then sews they whole thing to the abdominal wall, she has found that this prevents flipped ports, so I feel a little better.  But I can't quite shut my brain down!!! 

So with my busy weekend I did not read a single blog, but I am using my quiet morning at work to get all caught up on what's been shaking in your worlds! 

Friday, April 13, 2012

A new day

A great big thank you everyone that helped for me to see that I am only human and there is always tomorrow.  

Yesterday I wore a pair of pants that rubbed on my port all day and by 1pm I was hurtin!!  I went home and changed into yoga pants and worked from there for the rest of the day.  I set my kitchen timer for 10min and every time it went off I would take a couple drinks of water (I saw this idea on another blog and I can't remember whose, sorry!).  By doing this I was able to get in a total of 80oz, over half of it at home!!

When Peaches got home we did some measuring in our yard, we are doing sod in our front yard.  Also we are putting in some raised garden beds in the backyard with gravel paths in between and a sandbox for the puppies.  I am hoping by having their own area that I will bury treats in I can keep them from digging up my lawn (fingers crossed).   Then we took a trip to Home Depot and got all the stuff we would need to get these projects done this weekend.  I will post some before and after pics when we are finished.  I am sooooo excited about my garden and flowers and lawn.  I love to be outside all summer, even if I am a super crabby jerkface for the week or two that we are over 100 degrees.  However, this year is has become apparent that our fence needs stained, here's the kicker on the staining a fence....there are TWO sides to it!  TWO!!  So just when I get done with a section and feel all good about it, I have to walk around it and start all over.  It's BS I tell you!  And to top off our summer projects we need to either paint the house or put together some fundage for siding.  I am all for the second option and seeing as how we were ready to self-pay for my Band and now don't have to,  I say go for it.  Peaches on the other hand is more money minded and wants to paint one more time and side in two or three years.  I HATE PAINTING!!!

I am putting together a shopping list and menu options for my transition next week into PUREED THINGS!!  I have a slight texture issue so the thought of just dropping a chicken breast in a blender or eating baby food out of the jar makes me barf a little.  So I am looking for some creative, protein packed puree ideas.  So far I have found Edamame-Garlic, Refried Black Beans, Cauliflower-Zucchini and a Butternut Caramel Flan.  I plan on adding some poached chicken to the first three to protein them up! 

Your support and advice to just get over myself was just what I needed yesterday, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I did end up telling Peaches last night and he just said that he's sure I didn't break my band and it's not the end of the world.  I have anxiety issues and sometimes when my switch gets flipped, I can't back it down.  Anything can quickly become the be-all and end-all.  I am no longer on my meds for this and have not had a full blown attack in almost 8 months but I still have the tendency to get buried under the issue in my head and need a lifeline to find my way out.  You all were that lifeline yesterday!!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Fatty Forever

Fatty forever...that may just be me.

This morning one of the ladies that works in my office brought in a bunch of Easter candy she didn't want at her house.  A giant freaking bowl of chocolate!!!  I was in the kitchen when she came in and sat it down, I sooooo very casually looked at it when I walked past on my way back to my desk...then I sat and fantasized, I schemed.  For four hours I held out, but I finally lost the war.  I made two more 'recon' trips to the kitchen, it was like freaking Mission Impossible when I went in for the snatch.  On trip number one I spotted the Cadbury Egg, on trip two someone else was in there.  I went back a third time, looked around and grabbed that little sucker.

Then it got even worse. Already I am feeling humiliated and defeated, so why not just compound that!!  I TOOK IT TO THE BATHROOM TO EAT IT!!!!!!!!  In the effing bathroom!!!!!!! Sweet baby Jesus, I am a crackhead.  Hiding in the effing s**tter with my little foil wrapped bundle of crack.  I scarffed that thing down so fast it made my pouch hurt and the whole time I was cussing at myself.  

I am just 10days out from surgery and already sabotaging my success.  I don't want to tell Peaches and I tell him everything.  I know he won't be mad or make me feel bad, but it's like sharing my humiliation out loud makes it more permanent and real.  So I am telling you all and logging it in MFP, all 150 calories and 25 GRAMS OF SUGAR!!  For eff's sake the whole thing only weighs 39 grams.   UGGGG, what the efifity eff did I just do and more importantly why the effity eff did I do it?

I am also having a hard time getting my water in this week, I do really well at work.  Keep that mug in front of me all the time, but at home I get distracted.  I have not hit 64oz in the last two days.  I will be working on this today, working diligently!  Also I will be talking myself out of the 200yard walk to Target to see if they have any Cadbury eggs left on clearance, because that's really what I want to do. 

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Workout Wednesday

Well I made it to mile 2.4 on my 4 mile walk home last night before Peaches caught up with me.  I am pretty sure I pushed myself a little too far.  I was super sore last night and had to get up in the night for some pain meds.  I was also DEAD tired this morning, it's amazing how tired I get.

Tonight I will be just doing a mile around my house, no hills and super slow.  One of my babies had surgery to rebuild his cruciate ligament 6 weeks ago and part of his physical therapy is 'curb work'.  Basically we do an 'S' pattern on and off the curb, so he gets some felxion in his knee.  This is very slow going and since I am also recuperating I think his pace will just fine.  Peaches will also be putting through my paces with some upperbody stuff, I use 5lb dumbbells and do most of the exercises on an exercise ball (sometimes even with one foot raised!!), so my core gets a work out too. 

MandaPanda is always motivating herself with a race or goal and I have decided to follow her lead.  I have signed up with three other friends for the Dirty Dash on July 14th.  This is a 3 mile obstacle course with LOTS of mud pits.  Some people are really hardcore, they view it as a race, but there are beer stops along the way for gosh sakes, so in reality it is pretty laid back.  I don't want to be humiliated and not be able to climb the stuff so I am going to start training for it.   There is also a mini triathlon in September that I have been eying....that seems a little scarier then running around in the mud with a bunch of drunk people.  I am going to still have to think about that, work on that kick that fear's A**.  I am looking at gyms and a personal trainer, maybe that will be the motivation I need to sign up for it.

It feels good to post that up here, not so scary when I really look at it!  Yay for Workout Wednesday, let's get our sweat on!!  

 Dirty Dash BABY!!

Bedtime Karaoke and other stories

I was reading a post from VickyD at My Shrinking Belly, she was talking about cuddling with her husband and it really brought to light for me that there is genuine love in their relationship.  I have followed her blog since the beginning and you can just 'hear' it in her posts.  Anyway, I thought about my life and the love in it, this post is what came and I am dedicating it to Peaches.  

I was once married, it was a long, long time ago and for a very short time (about nine months) and it was a mistake from beginning to end. During this time I went from 165 to 220, I ate to hide my feelings and because I was sad and lonely.   I didn't deserve to be happy or skinny or sexy.  About two years after that I got involved in an extremely unhealthy, scary relationship, this went on for four years, on and off.  This time I yo-yoed with weight and went to some pretty crazy extremes to keep it off.  When the final bell rang on this bout of self loathing and broken dreams I topped the scales at 260.  If I had gained anything from those four years (other than lots of weight) it was affirmation that I didn't deserve happiness or love or consideration or respect.  I was not worth it, so why not just fill that void with Twinkies and Kit Kats.

While I was still emotionally bruised and recovering from this 'relationship' I met a guy.  I thought it was too soon, my friends all told me it was too soon but life doesn't always follow the rules.

 Let me digress for a minute and tell you that I believe that there are certain people in your life for a reason, I believe that these same souls will be there again in our next life.  Have you ever met someone and just felt like you knew them?  I believe this is someone that you knew in a past life, a soulmate.  To me this term does not have any romantic meaning at all, it just means that there is a connection between you and this other person that runs deep, it runs to your soul.  Stick with me here, I do have a point and will get to bedroom karaoke!  

So I met this man during a time when I was recovering from the death of my mom/best friend, rebuilding my life after a horrible break-up and had just been diagnosed with cancer.  We worked together and it all started as a little harmless flirting, he nicknamed me Red Hen (I can't for the life of me remember now why) and we would email all day.  Just little funny things that kept me smiling.  I knew he was a soulmate right away, but did not attach any romantic significance to this.  I was taking huge amounts of Prednisone and bigger now than I ever was before, I was balding, I was sick, I was still living in the shadow of crap my last relationship left me with.  Then one day I remember working and it was his day off, I knew I would not be seeing him or getting any of his emails.  I was sitting at my desk and I heard his laugh, he has stopped by to surprise me with lunch and was talking to someone on the other side of the building.  He laughed at something they said and I heard it and I got butterflies.  Huge eagle size butterflies and I remember thinking, maybe I do deserve something better....maybe.   

Fast forward 4 years and that same man is now my co-host for Bedtime Karaoke.  At least once a week Peaches and I will each pick a song or two to download and play/lip sync to.  This takes place once we are both in bed, hence the name.  And we all know what happens when there is some rocking music going on......that's right kids we dance!!  If there is a cat or dog laying close they often become the puppet to our choreographic mastery.  And at the conclusion of the amazing display of talent, when I am looking at his adorable grin and hearing that laugh that still gives me eagle size butterflies in my tummy I know that I deserve happiness.  I deserve love.  I deserve romance.  I deserve my little 'family' of fur babies and Peaches.  I deserve to love myself - inside and out. 

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Stats and Bouncing my Droopy Bits

Here is the progress update I promised!!

Date Neck Arm Bust Chest Waist HD Hips Thigh Calf Weight
03/05/11 16.75 16 50.25 42 45.5 53 49.25 31.5 17.5 295.5
03/18/12 16.75 14 48.5 40.5 43.25 52.5 48.5 30.25 17.25 263.4
04/01/12 16.5 14 47.5 41.25 42.5 52 47.5 30.25 17 254
04/08/12 16.25 14 47.25 40 41.75 52.25 47.5 29.5 16.75 249.8

Also I got an email asking about exercise and if I partook of that particular nectar.  I do exercise, every week day I walk/jog home from work.  I have tweaked the route to an even four miles with three nice sized hills in it.  I started by just walking the whole thing, then I would jog one block and walk three, then jog one and walk one, and so on.  Finally after about 3 months of working up to it I actually jogged the entire way home....and much to my surprise it actually took me longer.  My jogging has a lot of vertical action, a lot of bits bouncing but it would seem the forward progression is a bit limited.  My heart rate was really elevated while jogging though and that's where we are burning those calories.  My time was improving everyday and then I got shingles.  I had a some bad reactions to the drugs and in combination with my other health issues I was out of commission for 6 weeks.  Basically I just started over with the walking for three weeks then took last week off after surgery.  I did some walking, but not more than a mile. 

This afternoon I brought my sweating clothes with me to work and I will start my walk home.  I am anxious to get back in the swing of things but I don't want to overdo it and break my Lapband!!  I tend to push myself too much.  So if I make it all the way home, then yay for me.  If not Peaches is on alert to drive my route on his way home and check for a beached hippo laying on the sidewalk. 

There may or may not be a second post for today.  There are some peeps out there that have gotten me thinking.........

Stay Tuned!

Monday, April 9, 2012

Full Liquids...Yah Baby!!

I brought my week of clear liquids to an end this morning, it was about 8 hours early but I could not face drinking broth again for breakfast.  So I had yogurt this, creamy gooey yogurt!!  I actually had to use a spoon, who knew using utensils could be worthy of a celebration!!    All the sudden my menu options have quadrupled and it is a bit more disgusting Profect to get my protein in.  I have also started having planned 'meal times' again.  This morning I stopped drinking 30 min before my yogurt and didn't resume my drinking until 1 hour after.  Even though most of what I am 'eating' is still liquid I wanted to get myself back on track with planning and separating ASAP, as that was probably the hardest habit to start pre-op.

I have stats for the last two weeks and I just keep forgetting to put them in my super-duper awesome excel spreadsheet and post them, I will have a pretty slow afternoon at work tomorrow and I'll do it then.....speaking of work.  I started back today and holy cracker jacks was I a busy little lady, the person that I passed my projects off to 'forgot' to do anything with them and we go to print tomorrow afternoon at 2pm.  I was a formatting, editing fool and I didn't even get a chance to open blogger-and that is just ridiculous!!  But tomorrow after I send all the stuff to the printer I will have a nice open schedule, with lots of blogging time.

I work for a company based in Bethpage, NY and one of the people from my department out there is in town for the week.  I asked him if he wanted to come to dinner tomorrow and he actually accepted, I was not really expecting this.  He has been out here a lot in the past year and has never taken me up on my invites, but I just keep extending them.  Today when I did it, it was almost a joke and he said "I told myself that this trip I was going to make more of an effort to be social."  After he accepted I also invited another gentleman we work with and his wife.  While I am happy that he is making an effort to come out of his shell, I am now obligated to feed him!!  I picked something yummy that Peaches had requested recently, Greek meatloaf, garlic mashed potatos, sherry green beans, black pepper-cheddar biscuits and black magic cake for dessert.  This also happens to be one of my fav meals of all time!  I think it will be a true test of willpower to keep my mits of any of it.  I will be dining on some beer cheese soup.....with no dessert.

Oh, oh, oh...before I forget.  Hiccups, holy cracker jacks those put a hurtin on this hippo!!  I got them this afternoon and was nearly in tears before they went away.  Did they hurt so freaking bad because I am still healing or are they always this torturous?  Please tell me they will never be that bad again.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Say goodbye to the bunny folks....

My darling, dear, precious Cadbury Bunny.  I am bit supporter of animal rights.  I regularly donate to a number of animal based charities.  I have a couple (or 7) rescue animals in my home.  I become angry at any sign of irresponsible pet ownership.  However...I experience NO moral or ethical compunction at the thought of putting you to sleep.  You, my furry little menace, poop  morsels so delicious and rich I feel the need to pretend I can't even eat one.  In reality mama could pack away a 4-pack without batting an eye.  Once a year you come out of hiding to leave a these foil wrapped treasures callously lying around in grocery stores.  With the above mentioned morals of an animal lover I feel it my duty to rescue as many of these discarded babies as I can, taking them into my home.  Putting to use the skills that it took 15+ years to hone I can rationalize the buying of these in bulk, after all IT'S ONLY ONCE A YEAR!  Add to that my own amazingly kooky little way of pushing all the blame for stuffing these into my mouth on to the adorable, clucking, hopping rabbit, I know I am not responsible for my actions!  I can't possible be held accountable for taking the time to unwrap every blessed little goodie and devouring it.  So, the time has come for you to go live on a farm, forever and ever.  Never to poop a treat again!  I will ensure that this will be done as humanly as possible.

Whew!  Now that we have that evil little guy out of the way the real post can begin!

I just want to point out that I did buy some of the aforementioned legal crack, but have not eaten any.  There was a vague plan to save them until the mushy stage of my diet, then treat myself.  But after writing a death letter, I realize that I may or may not (insert sarcasm here) have self-sabotaging tendencies and in an effort to crack the whip on these I will be sending all the treats with Peaches to work.  You put ANYTHING edible down in the breakroom at his office and it will disappear.

My first week of band-dom is rapidly coming to an end and I am still feeling great!  I have had little gas pains, really only on the first day.  I have hit my fluids goal of 64oz +/day and been really close to my protein goal of 75g/day.  No nausea at all (knock on wood) and very little pain.  I even began to wonder if maybe Dr. H just forgot to put it in.  She just opened me up, got distracted (possibly by a cadbury egg) and went right to sewing me up.  The only thing that keeps my crazy brain in check is the fact that with the reduced swelling I can now feel my port.

MR and Myself

Today Peaches and I went to a fundraiser for cancer research, it was held in a garage brewery.  These are pretty popular in Montana and may be in other states/countries as well.  Basically it is an old mechanics shop, converted into a bar/microbrewery.  This party had food and live music, a silent auction, 50/50 drawing as well as lots of beer flowing.  It was to raise money for the Relay for Life team sponsored by a local company, that one of my BFF happens to work for.  She and her hubs met us at the party as well as another couple we are friends with.  We danced and laughed.  They ate and drank.
Peaches is sitting and MR, my BFF, hubs T is standing.  They are both trying to look like they don't just love to have their pics taken. 

While I was talking to T about how well I was doing he asked me what I was eating.  I told him I am still on my post-op diet but for lunch today I had a 1/2 cup of soup with extra protein powder in it.   He looked a little worried and asked how this Lapband doesn't qualify as starving myself.  I let him know that this would keep me feeling full for about 4-5 hours and with the supplements my body was getting plenty of fuel.  He gave me a dubious look and said I already looked gaunt.  On the way home Peaches mentioned that T also voiced his concerns about doing this healthyily (a real word?) and seemed to think I was in trouble.  I just want to tell him, and anyone else that is thinking this, for the first time in a long long time I am being healthy!  I am not stuffing my face with chips and salad and bar-b-que, guzzling soda and topping it off with 5 cadbury eggs!  I just wonder if his concern comes from not seeing me eat, or me eating so little or something else.  In my support group we talk about how a lot of time naysayers or people that voice concerns are really trying to justify their own unhealthy habits. I am not sure what the reason is here, T is a healthy, active dude.....Hmmm.....something to think about.  But I will say this, talking about how the 1/2c of soup keeps me feeling full for a 'normal' amount of time made me feel like there is a band in there and I felt pretty damn good about it!!

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Blanche DuBois is in residence....

Day three dawned bright and early with Blanche (my crazy alter ego) out in all her glory.  I watched the Smurfs and spent over half the movie crying about Azarel, the cat.  It's not her fault her that her dad is Gargamel and everyone is sooo mean to her!!  She is just misunderstood.

Then I got upset with Peaches because I could hear him chewing his lunch.  I could HEAR it, feel it even, like he had the bass turned way up on his own little sound system.  Of course I handled this with maturity and told him to go chew somewhere else.  Obviously he was being very inconsiderate by flaunting his need to chew.

Then while walking around my neighborhood I passed a young man in a wheelchair, possibly with cerebral palsy.  He was holding up a Spongebob blanket like a flag and the woman was pushing him was running.  The were both laughing hysterically and he was yelling 'I'm Flying!!'.  It was just a really fun thing to witness, so what do you do when you see something fun?  You cry of course!  Like a giant effing baby, with snot running down your face.

Give me a C.  Give me an R.  Give me an A.  Give me a Z.  Give me a Y.  What does that spell?  Morgan has lost her frigging mind!!   Yah!!!

Peaches thinks I am just emotional with anticipation, and excitement and my anxiety can is overwhelming me a bit.  Has anyone else just lost their shit after surgery?  Maybe a reaction to the drugs?  Before I start the crying or the irrational anger I don't even feel it coming on.  I guess we will just wait and see if it gets any better as we go along....

If I am not following you and you are following me currently please leave me a comment with your blog name in it!  I would love to have you in my reading list!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Tag Zwei = Day Two

That's right my pets, it is day two in the Journey of Maximizing my Minimizing.

The highlights of today are: (Please skip the first three bullets if you are squeamish)

  • Farting - lots and lots and lots of farting
  • Burping - lots and lots and lots of burping
  • Pooping - one itty, bitty little guy
  • Grumbles - my stomach is so loud that my overly sensitive, whimpy little Scottie dog started barking at it around 6am this morning.  He left the bed and did not return all day.  
  • Walking - I have made 8 individual trips around my block today. 
  • Weaning myself off the pain meds.  I was taking 10 ml of Roxicet every four hours, today I have stretched that to 10 ml every 6 hours.  I plan on lowering it to 5 ml tomorrow.  My pain feels under control and once upon a time ago I had a very intense love affair with narcotics and don't want to be on them any longer than absolutely needed. 
  • Protein - I just finished a Profect and with that 25g I am at 70 for the day.
  • Fluids - I am sitting at 73 oz

It still doesn't feel real to me, I keep saying things to Peaches like 'My port hurts.  That's right, MY PORT.  Why do I have a port you ask?  Well it connects to my LAPBAND!'  Or I called my dad today and after spending 15 min talking about my liver enzymes, my WBC count and monitoring my drug intake I ended the conversation with 'By the way Dad, did I tell you I have a LapBand now?  Yeah...I totally do.'  Thankfully Peaches and my pops are used to my ridiculousness but even when I say it out loud it doesn't feel real.  Maybe that will come when I start on more solid food and feel restriction?  Or maybe when I am not stoned on Oxycodone anymore?

I can't say it enough, thanks to all of you and your words of encouragement and support!  It's amazing to know that not only can I tell to you about farting and showing my hoo-hoo to strangers, but you will still talk to me after I tell you these things!  Awesome!!

Surgery Day, in full

Alright, I am back and rested.  My surgery went really well!!  Peaches and I checked in at 12:30p on Monday spent one hour answering the same questions over and over for five different people:

  • Full name
  • Birthdate
  • Allergies
  • What would my surgery be for?
  • Have I ever had problems with anesthesia before?  (The answer to this one is yes, I tend to be very panicky and aggressive when waking up)
  • What was my Zodiac sign?  (Actually I was only asked this once, by the oh so deliciously hot recovery room nurse
I really liked that pretty much the entire team that would be in the room during the surgery or with me after in recovery came in and introduced themselves, it was comforting to know who I would see ahead of time.
Then I got my IV and got washed up.  Around 1:30pm they took me back to the OR, here we had a slight problem.  One of the doctors that would be operating on my was a Steelers fan and as a Ravens fan (they are huge rivals) I told them I was not ok with her being in the room.  Hehehe.  She told me to watch it or I would wake up with a Steelers tattoo on my forehead.  Next thing I knew the anesthesiologist told me he was giving me my sleepy drugs and a nurse asked me to squeeze her hand three times.  I don't even remember doing it once.

Then I woke up being restrained in the recovery room and the delish nurse from earlier was whispering sweet nothings in my ear....well not exactly sweet nothings.  He was talking me through breathing and calming down.  After a bit they were able to let go of my hands and this was when I told him I loved him and offered to pole dance for him.  When he turned me down I gave him a shot of vajayjay.  As far as I know he still did not take me up on this offer....probably a good thing.  Peaches might have been a smidge upset.

I was in a HUGE amount of pain during this whole time and it may or may not have been due to the 3 shots of Fentinol that I was making inappropriate overtures to random hotties!  When my blood oxygen level was up about 95% they moved me to the surgical floor.  Here I was allowed to be with Peaches again and M, my facilitator and nurse, and Dr. H came to visit me and tell me that everything went well and my liver looked great.

My pain was still pretty bad so Peaches and I decided that I should stay the night, rather than try to get comfortable at home.  So he went home to take care of the pups, have dinner and pick up my favorite pillow.  While he was gone I got up to walk for the first time and went to try and pee.  I had the sensation but it just wouldn't come out.  I even pushed a bit, but the nurse didn't want me to strain.  So she had me turn around and straddle the toilet backwards and I peed with no problems at all!  Weird!!

I hardly slept at all, narcotics make me drowsy but jazzed up at the same time.  So I drop off but 10-15 min then wake up and have to move.  I spent a lot of time that night just cruising the halls.  I also managed to get down 3 Profects (yuck, yuck, yuck) and 32 ounces of water.

Tuesday morning Dr. H and M both came to go over my discharge directions with me, they also let me know that my WBC count was looking good and they would not be starting a course of steroids (with my immune disorder this was a possibility).   Dr. H also let me know that I carry my fat like a man, in general men have a smaller amount of fat in between their skin and muscle layer and a lot around the organs themselves.  Women are opposite of this.  So she was able to give me a low profile port, but needed to give me the large band.  It has a total fill of 14cc and she started me with 4cc.  She said this would provide very little restriction, but it was instead there to snug the band around my stomach.  She debated whether or not to give me the standard band, but wanted to err on the side of large rather than too small.

Peaches took me home and got me settled, I had a cup of chicken stock and Chicken Unjury in it and got in another 40oz of water during the day.  I burp and fart like no tomorrow, but I have had almost no gas pain. My tummy is very swollen where they put in the port.

Ok, long, long post.  Pictures to come.  Thanks for hanging in there if you made it through!!

This is my sexy pre-op pose, I was going to use my pouty face cause the recovery room nurse to fall madly in love with me.  I would then let him down easily, letting him know that Peaches was the only man for me.

This is my oh so miserable post-op face.  Right before I begged Peaches and anyone else that would listen to just help me!  I was in so much pain, this is when we decided I should stay the night.

Incisions.  The third one over is the port, the little guy at the top hurts me most though.  This was yesterday evening.  Now I am very swollen and bruised.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

And it's in

I tried to  blog from my phone yesterday but couldn't get it to work.  It took quite a while to get my pain under control and due to some of my other medical issues (I have an immune disorder and am in remission with liver cancer) they decided to keep me overnight.  I checked in yesterday at 12:30p and was home today by 12:00pm.  Still pretty groggy, I will do a better surgery day run-down tomorrow.

Thanks for all the well-wishes!!  And for a little cliff hanger I will just let you know that I offered to do a pole dance for the super HOT recovery room nurse and to help him make up his mind I showed him the beav!  I don't really remember this but a friend of mine was my night nurse and told me the story...ahhh the fun of drugs!!  More to come tomorrow.

Monday, April 2, 2012

In just four short hours....

I will have my band in place!!!!!!!!!   OMG, this has been a long, long loooooog walk so far.  I went to my first appointment at the Weight Management Clinic on 06/06/11 and now almost 10 months later we are going to for reals get it on!!  I am super excited/anxious, there is likely going to be a staggering amount of '!' in this have been warned.

This weekend went  by super fast, I spent most of it cleaning, laundering, cooking and organizing so I would actually be able to rest this week.  Peaches and I did a crap ton of spring cleaning - even the windows, and I HATE windows.  Like HATE, HATE!!  When I made the bed I even put my favorite flannel sheets back on, even though a couple weeks previously I had retired them for the spring/summer.  If I am going to spend a lot of time laying in bed this week I want it to be in flannel, with little snowmen!!!!

Oh, something that happened at my support group meeting and I wanted to know if anyone else had heard about it.  I live in a pretty small little city (I realize that is all relative, some people consider Billings to be HUGE) about 100,000 people and although we have two hospitals only one of them have a weight management program.  I'm setting this up so you know that everyone at this group has the same pre-op doc, surgeon and the same facilitating nurse.  Ok, so we were at group and M, our facilitator,  had a topic but after seeing the people there decided that letting us just talk would be better.  There was a good mix of pre and post op, as well as bypass, sleeve and band in the room.  I very rarely see a post-op band person but that night there was a woman there that had lost 101lbs with the band IN SIX MONTHS!!!  Then her band slipped and she had to have it removed.  Now I have read A LOT of stuff about banding and more than once I saw that it can be dangerous a great amount of weight at once.  There is a theory that the band can slip because the fat around the abdominal wall will disappear, giving wiggle room.  Has anyone ever heard of the theory before?  Or heard of someone that lost that much so quickly with the band?  Do they still have it?  Were there complications?  Did they gain it back?  When I was in my pre-op appointment with my surgeon she specifically said that I should look to lose 1-3lbs a week and NO MORE.  She even said she gets a little worried if it is coming off faster than that.  I told her that I did my research and I knew that I was not going to drop all of my weight at once, so I am ready for a year or even more to get where I want to be.

Well Ladies, I will sign off for now.  I am just too jazzed up to think and I don't know that you want to be a part of my anxiety attack!!  I just ask you for one thing before I go.  Peaches is up for a promotion at work and this morning he will be interviewing with the director of the dept he wants to move up in.  Please send some positive energy his way, in whatever way you feel comfortable.

Catch you on the flipside!!  I will leave you with a pic of the official countdown clock.