All about Minimizing

Friday, June 22, 2012

TTT baby!

1.     I have a zit just inside my nose and I think I should be excused from work until it heals.  Who in the world would be able to concentrate on creating a new look for marketing when distracted by a nose zit??

2.     I have not worked out with Mr. Muscle for two weeks, because of my mini-vacation and working out of town.  I think he was missing me and showed that by kicking my ASS last night.  My lats (?) are killing me, I can't even take a deep breath without wincing.  And it felt gooooood!!

3.     The new Lego game came out on Tuesday.  I don't really play video games but I love, love, love the Lego games.  So Peaches and I have been using every extra moment we get to play Batman 2 : DC Superheros.  Last night I think we found a glitch, there is a spot where you need to push a button but you can't get there.  We tried everyway possible, restarted the PS3 and tried playing again, still nothing.  We are going to have to restart from the beginning tonight, Peaches is kind of mad but I am secretly happy that I will get to play my game longer!!

4.     We took our dog with the ouchie knee to an orthopedic specialist and got his joint scoped.  They can't really see anything wrong so we are just going to keep him as immobile as possible until August and see what happens.  He is not a happy camper, we have him tied to either the coffee table or the dresser in our room unless we are outside, then he is tied to a tree.  He barks ALL THE TIME!!!!

5.     I am already struggling for things to say, really my life is pretty boring.

6.     Next weekend we are off to the lake house again, this time we will be joined by Peaches's WHOLE family.  There will be 16-20 of us.  Several members of the family like drama and where there is none they will start it.  I usually end up calling someone out on their bullshit and then it calms down, but I just hate the stress of it.  I am NOT looking forward to it, at all.

7.     I am up to running 5.4 mi in an hour.

8.     My weight has not really done all that much lately, I have lost a little bit but my body just seems to want to hang out between 230 and 238.  I read once (somewhere) that your body has a memory of weights it has been at and if you spent a lot of time around a certain place it may just want to stay there.  WTF!!  I am doing everything I need to be doing and still my dumb body feels comfortable here?  Has anyone else heard about this?  If so, how much convincing will my body need to get on with getting rid of this weight!!!

9.     Today was a day where I woke up irritated and Peaches's morning routine just got under my skin.  Finally I just told him not to talk to me for a bit because I didn't want to yell at him.  He has known me long enough to not be offended when I ask this, I think he is actually a little grateful that I steer him around my pits of Blanche DuBois.

10.   Hahahaha!!  I has something else here but I just logged on (Friday morning) to realize that I never published this yesterday!  OOPS!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Let's talk about traveling with Hot Duchess

When I used to fly I would do EVERYTHING in my power to get my seat belt fastened without a extender.  I can remember at least twice that I had Peaches put his big arm muscles to good use squeezing me into it.  Do you remember the scene in Gone With The Wind where Scarlett was getting her corset tied?  The process of getting my seat belt connected had some similar qualities.  Only once did I have to use an extender, it was on a flight from Prague to Amsterdam with a European airline on a teeny tiny plane.  I was already humiliated enough asking for it, but having to do it in my horrible version of Czech was really precious, the flight attendants may still be laughing about it!

So this past week I flew out to NY for some work stuff and per my usual routine I slide the buckle alllllllllllll the way out to the end of the belt and I sucked Hot Duchess in as far as humanly possible.  Then I went for it, I used a brisk jerking motion and aimed up the two ends of the buckle and got it on the first time!!  After I was done congratulating myself on hitting the mark, I realized that something was wrong.  There was a lot of room in between me and the belt, it felt a little loose.  There was some slack!!  I grabbed the end of the belt and pulled and got about 5 in of extra belt, HOT DIGGITY DOG! 

A couple other places I noticed a difference on my trip, sitting in the middle seat of the train going from Long Island to Penn Station, I didn't feel the need to curl up and hold my breath with fear I was spilling onto the person next to me.  Going through the turnstiles to get on the subway, I was able to do so at a bit of a run (we took a little too long over dinner and had to run to make our show) and not creeping through the turnstile sideways on tiptoe, so Hot Duchess could glide over the top rather than try to fit between the two sides.

 The last place I thanked all the powers that be I had made this choice to change me life was on the flight home.  My flight out was at 6:45am, I boarded the plane and was snoozing waiting for take off.  At 7:23am the captain came on the intercom to tell us that the Altimeter was broken and we were going to need to deboard (a real word??) and go down two gates to a plane scheduled to take off at 7:50am.  We all moved over the next plane and all fit, but this took some time.  We didn't actually take off until 8:17am.  We landed an hour and a half in Chicago at gate C2, my connecting flight to Billings was at gate K19 and leaving in 16min.  So I ran!!  I was yelling "EXCUSE ME!!!' to all the people with 4 hour layovers just strolling around in the terminal as I was running, Forrest Gump style!  I made it with 2 min to spare and they let me on, THANK YOU UNITED AIRLINES!  Or I would have been waiting until 8:30pm for the next flight to Billings.

Here is a little map of my run.  I landed at the yellow arrow and took off at the red circle.
I never would have been able to do that before the Lap Band and Mr. Muscle!

Now that I am home I actually have a chance to do stuff, like read and write blogs!  My comments will be a little late but I am getting caught up on them! 

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Thank you to Laura for giving me a great way to do a little rambling!  I want to just tell everyone that sent good ju-ju my way on the safe return of my kitty, THANK YOU!  Mr. SmugCat strolled in yesterday after I got home from the gym, just as cool as anything.  No thought to how he worried his mother to death, no cares about staying out all night.  I think the overwhelming snuggle and hugs I subjected him to may discourage this inconsiderate behavior in the future. 

1.     The stupid animal shelter in Billings is closed on Wednesdays, that means they don't even return frantic, crazy voicemails.  I went down at noon but could not get in to search for my big boy!  I even pounded on the door a little...I am a scootch ashamed now but was desperate then. 

2.     I worked my hiney off with Mr. Muscle last night, it amazes me how many horrible ways to torture me he can come up with.  Just when I think I have seen the worst of him he adds in something  else to my circuit.  Last night his method of torture was Burpees, 30 FREAKING SECONDS OF THEM!!!!!  30 seconds is nothing, like four blinks of an eye, a little commercial, it really is a short amount of time.  Unless you are hauling your 230lb ass up and down off the floor with a push-up thrown in 'for fun'.  I wanted to die, but he said if i stopped more than once then I would be doing an extra 15 seconds.  I kept going but by the third time through my circuit my legs burned sooooo bad, I almost couldn't stand up.

3.     When I was done with my 30 minute strength circuit, Mr. Muscle set me up for my cardio.  He choose a spin bike for me yesterday, I did 3 min with no resistance hard and fast, then one minute with lots and lots of resistance standing up and as fast I could.  You would think that the I would be dreading the one hard thigh-burning minute, but with that itty bitty little seat stuck up my butt crack I was welcoming the chance to stand up!

4.     This morning in the shower I could not figure out why my coochie was hurting, it felt a little bruised.  Then I remembered having an itty bitty bike seat stuck in my butt crack for 45 min yesterday and it all made sense.

5.     Peaches' family owns a cabin on Georgetown Lake it is only a four hour drive so we try to get up there as much as possible during the summer.  They have a boat so we water ski (well I try really really hard), go tubing, wake boarding, along with just swimming and diving.  We are making our first trip of the summer tomorrow afternoon and I am sooo excited.  Here is the view off the deck.

6.     I just checked the weather report, it will be snowing at the lake on Sat and Sun.  There will be no water skiing or swimming but we will still hang out with the family, play some card games and eat (a resonable amount) of yummy food.  I know for some people with a band it can be nerve racking to go away and not know what kind of foods will be there, I solve this by offering to do the menu and shopping for the whole family!  Pretty smart girl here!

7.      I am getting super duper excited for my trip to NY.  We are at the lake until Monday evening, just enough time for me to come home and do laundry, pack, sleep a little and be up at 3:45a for my 5:30am flight on Tues to NY.

8.     I will be traveling with one other person to NY.  He works in the same department as I do and he really kind of drives me nuts.  I am dreading driving on the Long Island Expressway with his comments and big mouth.

9.     My brother came into town last night for some business stuff.  I love my brother and don't see enough of him!  We stayed up super late chatting and talking about animals and plants.  I wish he and my sis-in-law lived closer.  I wish I had a pic, but they are funny couple.  Josh is a 7' meat and potatoes guy, Gina is a 5'3" vegan.  I don't know how they do it, but they make it work.

10.     I will not have any internet up at the lake so I will not be posting until Monday, so have a great weekend everyone!  Again thank you for sending good thoughts my kitty's way, I truly believe in karma and ju-ju and I feel you all helped get him home! 

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Poopy Wednesday

One of my kitties is missing and all I want to do is cry.  We have a doggy door and my cats can get outside, two of them never leave the yard but my big siamese will wander around a bit.  He ALWAYS comes home at night and he didn't last night.  With my crazy neighbors I just can't help but start what-iffing. 

I checked the animal shelter website and they have a list of strays they picked up and there is a chocolate point siamese listed but it is listed as a female and I have a male.  I have my fingers crossed that they messed up and it really is my boy.  They open at noon and I am watching the clock soooooo slowwwwwwly creep to noon when I will run down there and check for him.  Uggggg, it's a yucky yucky Wed. 

Last night I went to work out, normally on my non-stregnth training days I run on the treadmill but thanks to the HUGE blister on my right foot (from some uber cute wedges I wore dancing on Sat night) running was hurting me.  I did the recline bike for 45 min on a hill program on level 9.  I made it 10.6 miles and my average RPM was 90...I was a SWEATING FOOL!!!!  I still get so much satisfaction from sweating, maybe today after my work out with Mr. Muscle I will have him take a sweaty pic of me, so you all can love my sweat too!! 

I have not stepped on the scale for four straight days, it was not moving and it just made me mad.  I can tell from my body shape, clothes fit and comments from people that I am moving in the right direction so I say 'EFF YOU SCALE'!!!  Everybody say it with me 'EFF THE EFFING SCALE!!!!'

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Lots to tell!!

I had a crazy busy week last week and it just keeps on coming!!  I have a lot to tell so I am going to do some bullets....
  • I got my fill on Wed afternoon, I waited 2.5 hours in my surgeon's office but I was NOT going to leave without some more saline in my belly.  I was at 4.5cc in a 14cc band, she said she gave me a whopping 1 cc, but I kind of feel like she is lying.  I don't feel anything, I eat my 1/2-3/4c and I am STARVING two hours later.  
  • I spent the rest of Wed and all of Thur on liquids, but when I had some grilled salmon and brussel sprouts for breakfast on Fri, I got a wicked nasty pain in my tum-tum.  As soon as I would swallow I would get a stabbing pain that lasted for 10-20 sec, then go away.  Another bite and another stabbing pain.  I called Dr. H and she told me that I could either come in for a slight unfill or go back on liquids for a couple days and wait it out.  I went back on liquids until Sat dinner time, I got a little bit of a pain with the first two bites (nothing like the day before) and then I was fine and no more problems!  Weird!!  
  • Friday I cut 8in off my hair and colored it.  DARK auburn!!  I love love love it and Peaches thinks I am a hottie, even more so than before.  We celebrated my new hair-do this weekend....several times!
  • Sat night I went dancing with the ladies, sporting my new hair and my new SIZE 18 JEANS!!!!! (I started my pre-op on diet on 03/18 at size 24).  While we were out I ran into a friend of Peaches' and he told me like 20 times how good I was looking.  He also texted Peaches and told him how good I looked.   

  • Sunday morning I got up and made breakfast and then played in my yard!  I made a tower of pots that I just love! 

  • Sunday I went to see Snow White and the Huntsman, I have a serious girl crush on Charlize Theron and I was a little saddened to see her in the old lady scenes, but the movie was great!!  Not for kids but a good movie.  Even Kristen Stewart's mouth-breather face couldn't ruin it.
  • Lastly I returned to work Monday to a little present from one of my best friends!  She said she saw this magnet and thought of me. 
  •  I took my two month bandiversary pictures and will be posting them soon!  I just need sometime to breath. 

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I need a fill....bad!!!

I am hurtin for a fill, Wednesday can't come soon enough.  I spent this whole weekend just snacking away, some 'good' snacks and lots of 'bad' snacks.  I just can't seem to keep on track on the weekends, this is something I need to really wrap my head around and figure out.  All week long I eat my meals, have a protein drink when I am hungry, track all my food, ensure I am getting my liquids, but I think on the weekends when I do not have a schedule I lose track of what/when the plan is.  Uggggg!! 

Then I get mad at myself for eating a handful of chips that I don't really even want ans I find myself torturing myself by hopping my chubby butt up on the scale.  I can't seem to keep myself off or it so I sat myself (Blanche) down and gave her/me a good talking to.  I know I am working my ass off in the gym, I am eating great at least 90% of the time and holding myself accountable for everything.  Eff the scale, stupid effing thing.  I continue to weigh myself but I REFUSE to let it rule my mood and my life.  I know I am lifting heavier weights, completing my circuits faster and running harder/longer than I have in 8+ years, these are the yardsticks I will measure myself by, not a silly little number given to my by a demon filled piece of poop!! 

Soooooo......a couple things that could possibly fall in the TMI catagory, you have been warned.  I have never ever farted so much in my life as I do since I got banded.  I knew that being 'a little gassy' was a possibility, but I am a farting machine!  When I was planking (see pic below) the other day at the gym, I was going for a new personal record of a full minute and I felt 'it' coming on.

 'It' was there and 'it' was going to be BIG.  I don't know if planking is the same for everyone but when I do 'it' I shake ALL over, this quivering of my entire body was shaking something loose.  At around 30 sec into it I knew 'it' was coming and there was nothing I could do to stop 'it'.  Luckily Mr. Muscle and I were the only ones in the training room at the time, so I just let him know that I was going to make it to the minute but I was also going to have a delivery and he might want to back up.  He started laughing, that made me laugh and that made the shaking even harder.  When 'it' finally arrived it was a frickin foghorn!!! I am not easily embarrassed, but even this honker echoing through the room got me blushing....BTW I did hold my plank through all of this for the full minute!

The other thing is my monthly cycle, I don't actually have the equipment to have one but all of the sudden it seems like I have a PMS week.  Craving chocolate sooo badly I could cry, crying over anything and everything, retaining water and even kind of crampy.  This is really really weird, so much so that I made an appt with my gyno to get checked out.  She said everything looks fine in the crotchal region but did take blood tests to check hormones.  Strange and kind of scary. 

One last thing before I go...I love the smell of my sweat.  Not like the sitting in a car with no air conditioning in August in Texas sweaty stink, but my lifting, running, pulling, pushing, planking, stepping, jumping sweat.  I love the feeling of it dripping down my face and body.  I like to see the puddle forming under me when I am doing push-ups.  And I LOVE to give my pits a little sniffy sniff.  That wonderful aroma is 'exhaust' from my engine (hahahaha, maybe my farts are the exhaust too!) burning through my fat ass and jiggly gut.  Whenever I get home from the gym I try to get Peaches as excited as I am about my bouquet, but he is just not nearly as excited as I would like him to be!!  He did however let me know my butt is getting 'butt shapier', apparently my butt and thigh are no longer just one big slab of meat.  There is an actual butt shelf, a little sumpin sumpin to cup!  Yah for my butt shapier, butt.  I will be doing some pics on Friday, my two month bandiversary.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

TTT a little late...

I missed TTT so I am just going to hit it a little late!  

1.     Tues was the 5th anniversary of my mother's death.  It's always a hard day, but I try to do something to honor her memory and this year I volunteered to be a chaperone on a field trip for a class at the local 'juvenile' detention center.   My mom devoted her life to helping kids in crappy situations, she would have appreciated this.

2.     My 'Jillian' trainer had another client at the time I was requesting so I agreed to work with someone else, he is a hunky young pup (Mr. Muscle) and I HATE him!  Well...I love and hate him at the same time.  If we are doing step-ups and he wants to add resistance and I whine a little bit about it, he just says 'Great!  You just bought yourself two extras, want to keep going?'  When I told  him I hated him, he just asked 'Isn't that why you come here, to hate me?'  He is pretty awesome! 

3.     In February one of my puppies blew out his knee and had surgery to rebuild his cruciate ligament, all was going well with his therapy and recovery until Thurs.  I came home from work and he was not putting any weight on his leg, his knee was swollen and hot.  We are going to the vet in 30 min to get it checked out.  I am sure he blew it out again, now I am faced with a shitty we do another surgery or just do what we can to keep him comfortable.  Affording the surgery would be a little hard, I would either need to dip into our 'NEVER EVER' use savings or take out a loan from my 401k.  Also he is almost 10 years old (and a big dog) and this will be his 3rd surgery in 6 months and that can be hard on an old dog.  It breaks my heart to think of him in pain and I have been crying on and off all morning.  

4.     My portions have slowly been creeping up in the last week, my weight loss has stalled and I have some major urges to snack.  I scheduled an appt for a fill next Wed.  I can't wait!!  Peaches is going to go with me and is excited to see the huge horse needle they use. 

5.     I went in on Monday to see my weight loss doc and M, the facilitator, for my 6 week check up.  Everything is looking good!  My lean mass has not changed at all, this means I am not losing muscle mass, and my body fat percentage is down by 10% since I started my pre-op liquid diet!!  I had a perma-grin during my visit.  While I was there M asked me if I would be alright with their marketing department contacting me for participation in their ad campaign.  I agreed right away, they want to do a 'story line' on me, basically they will follow me on my journey.  Also there was talk of a billboard or TV commercials.

6.     My manager told me that I will be going out to NY in June for some training on a new software program that is being introduced to our department.  I will be in Bethpage (on Long Island) for a week and I am super excited.  A friend of mine, who lives out there, already got tickets for us to go see Wicked and we are planning on a trip to the Comedy Cellar while I am there as well.  

7.     We got a new addition to our family this week, his name is Gideon (I re-named him, in honor of one of my favorite novel characters).  A friend of a friend had him for several years and due to some medical issues needed to get rid of him.  Say hello to Gideon!   

8.     I love living in Montana!!  I have lived in Colorado, Wyoming and Texas and none of these can hold a candle to Montana....however I hate surprises like the one I woke up to this morning.  

The snow was super heavy and I lost some branches off my baby Red Maple because of it, boooo.  

9.     I think one of my nieces spilled something on my laptop, my 'V' and 'B' buttons are really really hard to push and feel kind of sticky.

10.     As soon as I post this I will be heading to the gym to do a little treadmill work.  I made a commitment to a friend of mine (she is also a bandster turned crazy marathon runner, much like Terry) to run a half marathon in July 2013 with her Missoula, MT.  I told my trainer about this goal and he has put together a training plan for me to use.  

Monday, May 21, 2012

She's baaaack!!

I wrote here about changing my relationship with Sugar and last Sunday I unthinkingly let her (Sugar) back in my life.  We had taken Peaches' mom to Olive Garden for mother's day and when those delicious little Andes mints came I just popped it in my mouth.  As soon as it started to melt and all the chocolately deliciousness was on my tongue (and I had a small orgasm) I realized my mistake.  I thought about spitting it out but realized I am too much of a lady (and I was enjoying my orgasm too much) so I finished it.  Then I spent a lot of time stressing out about it.  Did I just open the flood gates?  Was I going to go on a binge from hell now?  Was there enough chocolate in the whole state of Montana to satisfy me?

I think the stress about succumbing kept me on the straight and narrow for the first several days, by day three I was all about the granola bars.  Not the good kind, the Quaker Chewy ones...specifically the peanut butter chocolate chip ones.  I was deluding myself that because it was a granola bar the 100 cals per didn't really count.  So the more upset I got about eating one the more I wanted the next one, this lead to an incredible 5 at one sitting and a horrible tummy ache.  Once I had hidden all the wrappers and my stomach stopped hurting enough for me to breath, I sat myself down and gave myself a little chat.  My obesessing/fear about bingeing was what kept if foremost in my mind and created the shitstorm that I fell into.  So I had a mint, so I had 5 granola bars in 10 min, I was not going to dwell on it, shit happens.  (These are all lessons learned from you ladies during the Cadbury incident.)  Once I had recovered a small sense of logic and reason I spent some time  contemplating Sugar and how I was going to deal with her.  I was going to take our relationship for a test drive, a sane test drive.  She was back in my life and that's fine, I would see her once or twice a week maybe.  I would not sleep in her driveway, call her house 500 times and hang up, I would not try to steal her dirty undies or drive cross country in a diaper to hunt her down.  This is not an obsessive relationship, that was my down fall before, this was a normal, casual dating type relationship. 

Tuesday was my 'reflection' day and since then I have eaten several pieces of licorice, two bites of milky way and a 1/4c of frozen yogurt.  I feel ok about this, I have logged it all in MFP, I have done it openly in front of Peaches and my friends.  No hiding in the bathroom, no midnight runs to the alley to throw away the wrappers.  Right now Sugar and I are just dating, nothing serious.  You may even call it a mere flirtation.  So here's to hoping I don't go all Fatal Attraction on her!! 

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Taking some time for me!

After two long weeks of putting everyone else first I am taking some time for me today!!  There has been a HUGE amount of drama with Peaches' family and that on top of some crazy work deadlines has kept me hopping and grumpy for entirely too long.  I have decided that his mom (B) is never going to change (stop drinking and abusing prescription drugs) and as long as we know his little sister is safe then we have done our job.  Peaches' mom has made a series of poor choices that resulted in her being homeless and  admitted to the hospital with liver failure at the age of 56.  The saddest part is she has a 13yr old daughter (G) that she has continually put in horrible situations.  After this last crash Peaches' and his brother sought custody of their little half sister and were awarded it.  Since then it has been nothing but guilt trips, lies and piles of BS from B.  I need to realize I CAN'T fix her.  So I am letting go, I know the G is safe and happy and well taken care of, that is what really matters to me.

Whew!  It feels good to say that.  I just hope I can keep myself convinced.

Now, on to me and my day.  I am not doing anything I don't want to today.  I am going to the movie with my girlfriends, What to expect when you're expecting, sitting on the couch watching TV and blogging.  That's about it!!  I also have reached my first goal of 20lbs lost and will be rewarding myself with a Shellac pedi on Tues afternoon.  I still do not feel restriction, I can and have eaten bread, rice, lettuce all with no ill effects.  This does mean that I have to use more of my willpower when it comes to not over indulging or snacking but I am determined to lose weight and this has been going pretty well.  My trainer is also kicking my ass A LOT!!  Last Monday I was feeling tired and grumpy, I tried to not go to the gym  but I found myself pacing around my house, restless.  Finally I recognized that I was angry at myself for not working out and went.  After I got home I felt SOOOOO much better about life and myself in general.  I like the weak legs feeling I have after squatting and lunging!  

Here are some recent stats, still losing my tatas at an alarming rate but I am happy to note that Hot Duchess finally decided to show up to the party and give a little up.  

Date Neck Arm Bust Chest Waist HD Hips Thigh Calf Weight
03/18/12 16.75 14 48.5 40.5 43.25 52.5 48.5 30.25 17.25 263.4
04/01/12 16.5 14 47.5 41.25 42.5 52 47.5 30.25 17 253
04/08/12 16.25 14 47.25 40 41.75 52.25 47.5 29.5 16.75 249.8
04/16/12 16.5 14 46.75 39.5 41 50.5 47 29.25 17 246
04/22/12 16 14.25 46.5 38.5 41 50.5 47 29 16.75 243
05/04/12 16 14 45.5 38.5 40.5 50.5 45 28.25 17 243
05/19/12 15.75 14 44.75 38.25 39.5 50.25 45 28.25 17 238

Peaches assures me that even though Hot Duchess is not losing much around my body she is lifting a lot.  He used to not be able to see my hoo-hoo at all, HD hung down so low she almost rested on my thighs.  Now he can see all of my hoo-hoo and more!!  HD refusing to give up more inches still makes it hard to find pants that fit, they can either fit in my waist and ass and be TIGHT on my gut or fit my gut and look like I am carrying a load in the butt.  My trainer assures me that we are giving HD a run for her money and she will start to disappear soon.

On my two month bandiversary I will post some side-by-side pics so you all can enjoy the my newly exposed hoo-hoo area!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Holy Schmoly, it's been crazy!

I have been having a crazy five days, but I think it might actually be slowing down again (knock on wood).  Peaches and I had two of his nieces again this past weekend, they are in a pretty horrible situation at home right now and we try to add a little bit of stability/sanity to their lives by taking them regularly.  Usually two weekends a month and several times during the week.  So as always, having kids around forces me to run my butt off!!

Work has been crazy too, lots of projects going on and deadlines looming!!  If I could just be allowed to do my job and not be a scribe for someone else it would really make me happy.  Sometimes I just want to say "Guess what Vice-Pres SoandSo, I do know how to write a coherent sentence and I don't need to spend 45 min on the phone with you discussing the merits of using the word regain vs reclaim."   AAARRRGGGGG!!!   I did however spend 10 min complaining to my director after a particularly aggravating meeting and told her that next time I was talked to like I was a 2yr old I would say something about it.  And I don't care who is on the other end, CEO or not.  My director said she would talk to the VPs about it.  We'll see if it does any good or if I will soon be looking for a new job.

Tonight I will update my stats, I have all that info at home.   I just wanted to drop a line and say that I am not dead, I have not fallen off the face of the Earth and I will get caught up on blogs this weekend!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Two NSVs and Sexy Books

First NSV!   I crossed my legs yesterday, and when I say I crossed them,  I mean I really for reals crossed them.  There was no table edge or wall there to brace my leg, there were no quivering inner thigh muscles, working against the resistance of my own fatness.  Nope I just crossed them and left them there, like I was a professional leg crosser or something.  Then I realized what I did, jumped up and started yelling (I was at home, not work), then immediately sat down to cross again.  I needed to make sure it was not just a fluke.  It wasn't, I am officially a leg crosser again!

NSV numero dos!  I made it home yesterday on my jog in 47 min, that means I am at a 11.75min/mile pace.  That is the fastest I have ever been on my homeward journey.  I had some motivation/distraction however....that brings us to sexy books.

I listen to audiobooks ALL THE TIME!  I work as a graphic designer and can often listen to books during the formatting/design stage of the project.  I also listen to them when I am on my jog home, cleaning the house, doing house work, trying to fall asleep, on a plane, on a long drive, sitting on the deck at the lake house.  So pretty much all the time!  Night before last I started a new book, Exit to Eden (ever read it?) it's an Anne Rice novel...and it is sexy!!  Now in a previous post I mentioned that I enjoy the occasional young adult book but I was not always satisfied with the 'sex' scenes.  They were only make-out scenes and mama needs some penetration!!  This book satisfies that requirement in spades, boy howdy.  On my jog home I was so engrossed in this delicious nastiness that I didn't even have time to think about getting tired or out of breath.  I just keep going and going fast!  The problem with an oh-so-sexy book (and yes there can be a problem) is when I listen at work (with ear buds) I feel like everyone knows what is going on.  Yesterday my HR director stopped by to ask me about our new employee handbook that I am designing for our website and I started blushing when I was talking to him.  He actually asked me if I had gotten some sun.  I may have to leave the sexy book time for outside of work.

Ever since my little baby fill (.5cc) I have been doing really well with my food.  I can be satisfied on my 1/2c-3/4c of food and stay full for 3-4 hours.  I have still been having a snack in the afternoon but I am not just grazing all day long, going to hang out in front of the fridge or cupboard staring.  MFP is regularly yelling at me about not getting enough calories in a day, but I say if I am losing weight and feeling good then shut your face MFP!  Just track my food and keep your stupid opinions to yourself. 

Monday, May 7, 2012

Changing my relationship with sugar

Every since the humiliating Cadbury incident I have avoided candy/chocolate/sugar all together.  It's been 25 days and it has been HARD!  I knew I ate a lot of candy/sugar before all this started, but I always thought I was in control of this (just like any addict).  I could stop whenever I want, I don't have to have it...blah blah blah.  Well that was all BS, I don't have any control over my sugar intake, I do have to have it, I am not able to just stop.  Everyday I wake up dreaming about milky ways and sour patch kids.  My brother-in-law came into town for a work conference last Wed and stayed the night with us.  After dinner he ran to the gas station to get some cigarettes and came home carrying a Dr. Pepper and Sour Patch Kids...I nearly knocked him over and stole them both.  DP and SPK is my fav combo of all time, I can remember being 9 or 10 years old and having that at the movies.  I literally spent the night drooling while thinking about them.

When I was 18 I got into heroin, after a bad car accident (while I was high) in which I severely injured my foster brother my family gave me the ultimatum: rehab or leave the family.  At that point the threat of losing my family is the ONLY thing that would have gotten me to commit to my recovery.  So I spent 6 months in rehab and learned some very valuable life lessons.
  1. You can admit you don't have control over something in your life and still be a strong person.
  2. You (and others) can and will forgive you for mistakes you made, if you are genuinely remorseful.
  3. There is a great amount of power in 'the group'.  The rehab center I spent my time in was a 12 step center, so we spent a lot of time in group meetings/therapy.
  4. You need to be an active participant in your recovery, you can't just be along for the ride.
  5. Addiction feeds on excuses.  If you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them, forever limiting yourself. 
  6. You alone are in charge of your life, you alone have the power to change it - for the good and the bad.
 I made the commitment 12 years, 5 months, 9 days ago and have never touched drugs again.  However, I find myself addicted to sugar now.  I really feel it is an addition, I physically crave it.  My plan when I cut it out last month was just to change my relationship with sugar.  To allow myself the time to see that I will survive without it, that I can just have a treat once in a while and not die.  I did not have a time limit in mind when I stopped my sugar intake, so I will just keep on with it but everyday I get further away from it I get a more confident in my ability to treat it with respect and moderation.  In rehab it gets beaten in your brain that you will NEVER EVER be able to just have a little, I guess I won't know until I try if that is true with sugar.  For now I feel a little more secure distancing myself from it.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Stats update and free clothes

I forgot to post my measurements for this last week.  Something I thought was interesting was I didn't lose anything according to the scale but I lost some major hip, waist and boobage!!  I am glad that I started doing the measurements so I can see that my body is changing even if the scale isn't.  If only Hot Duchess (HD) would get her ass in gear, it's hard to get pants to fit my smaller butt and waist but my still huge gut!

Date Neck Arm Bust Chest Waist HD Hips Thigh Calf Weight
03/05/11 16.75 16 50.25 42 45.5 53 49.25 31.5 17.5 295.5
03/18/12 16.75 14 48.5 40.5 43.25 52.5 48.5 30.25 17.25 263.4
04/01/12 16.5 14 47.5 41.25 42.5 52 47.5 30.25 17 253
04/08/12 16.25 14 47.25 40 41.75 52.25 47.5 29.5 16.75 249.8
04/16/12 16.5 14 46.75 39.5 41 50.5 47 29.25 17 246
04/22/12 16 14.25 46.5 38.5 41 50.5 47 29 16.75 243
05/02/12 16 14 45.5 38.5 40.5 50.5 45 28.25 17 243

My friend's mom recently lost a whole bunch of weight and she passed along three boxes and two garbage bags full of clothes for me to look through.  They started at size 22 and went through 16, so there was lot to choose from.  However....let me just say that some of the clothes are for a more mature lady.  I picked out some of the stuff but I have plenty left over, lots of slacks and button down shirts.  Also so skirts and sweat pants.  If anyone out there wants me to pass them along, just let me know!

Peaches and I are going to the Costa Rica for 12 days in November and I would REALLY like to be below 200lbs at that time so I can do all the fun things (parasailing, horseback riding, zip line).  This trip was Peaches Christmas gift from last year so I have had plenty of time to fantasize about it.  One of those fantasies includes me in a smocktop dress holding hands with Peaches and walking on the beach.  Just like in the movies, kicking our toes in the waves, kissing...sigh.  So on Friday I went with my friend to Ross (a discount store, like TJ Maxx) and found almost the exact dress I had been dreaming about.  For shits and giggles I put it on and took a pic, now when I get to wear it on the beach in November I will know exactly how far I have come!

It is a size large and that sucker was TIGHT, also Hot Duchess was hanging out in all her glory, this picture just doesn't any justice to just how lumpy I looked.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

First fill baby!!!!!

Got my first friggity fill yesterday!!  Yah!!  My surgeon has done over 800 Lapband surgeries and just recently (3 months ago) had her first and only slip/removal.  She told me about this at my first meeting with her and let me know that she was going to be more conservative on fills because of it.  She made sure I knew that this was just her personal view and there is not proof, but was VERY clear that she would not be dropping a whole lot of saline up in my belly right off the bat.  I have a 14cc band, 4cc in a surgery and an additional .5cc yesterday....that's right she THAT conservative!!  She said to give it three weeks or so, see if the weight is still coming off.  If not then we will re-evaluate.  I was a little disappointed when I left, I knew I was signing up for the slow train when I chose band over bypass, but some part of me (probably stupid crazy face Blanche) was hoping that there would still be some element of melting fat.  I called Peaches after I left the Dr office, he gave me a peachy (hahahaha) little pep talk that helped me remove my head from my a$$.  I am back on liquids for two days and my 1/2c soup kept me full all night, so maybe she knows what she is doing.......

Dr. H also removed my lone little stitch (which hurt WAY more than the fill) and cleared me to start getting it on with my trainer...well not like 'getting it on' but you know.  My trainer is a super hot chick, Peaches would be a happy boy if I got direction from my doc to get it on with her!!  I am going to meet with her on Friday and get our schedule all worked out.  The gym I decided to go with had a choice of five trainers, they all have a BS in either exercise physiology, but that is where the similarities end.  They all have very different backgrounds and personalities, but when I heard they called one 'Jillian' I knew she was meant for me.  I want someone to get in my face and kick my a$$.  She also used to be overweight, so can appreciate where I am coming from.  And what it means to love sugar and grease with every fiber of your being.

Last night was a support group at the Weight Management Clinic, it was for post-op only.  I met another bandster and she had just been through some tough stuff with her band.  Her port flipped then she got super stuck on a piece of steak and had to be almost totally unfilled.  She gave all this information in the beginning of the session, so I started having a major 'what-if' attack in my head (Effing Blanche!!) 'Maybe I should have gotten the bypass....What am I going to do if I have to have another surgery....blah blah blah'.  So I sat and sweated for 45min, doubting this whole thing.  Then at the end she talked about her frustration and said that she knew she was too tight, for TWO months she ate nothing but soup and protein drinks.  The weight was coming off pretty fast, so she thought why mess with a good thing.  Then she tried to eat some steak and it got stuck, like STUCK and ended up in the ER for an unfill.  After that I felt sooooo much better.  The band is not meant to keep you from eating, it's not supposed to cause you to vomit every time you eat.  If that is what's going on, then you need to contact the doctor!!  My faith was restored that if I use this the way it was intended then it can, it WILL work!  After group M, the clinic facilitator/nurse/insurance guru pulled me aside to see if I would like to be the guest speaker for Lapband at the informational seminars.  Of course I agreed wholeheartedly, my first one will be next Thursday.  Basically I will just go over my experience so far and let them question me to their hearts delight. 

Ohhhh yeah!  Do your doctors use frigging horse needles when they do fills?  Sweet baby Jesus, it was like 5 in long!  I almost called the whole thing off.  Dr H did numb me up before she did the fill, so really all I felt was a little pressure and this weird tugging feeling in my tummy.  Strange!! 

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The Eagle has landed!!

I was able to successfully complete a poopy this morning, it was heaven.  There was a minimal amount of 'birthing' and I felt much lighter afterward.  Enough so that I jumped on the scale for a second time, I lost 1.2 lbs!!!  Thank you to all of you for your commiseration on the stopped-up butt syndrome and advice.  When my doc called me back she gave me a big thumbs up on the Mirolax, I have now added that to my morning regimen.  The not-so-great thing is that I believe there was some gas build up behind my poopy and I have been relieving myself of that ALL day.  I should also mention that I had egg salad for lunch yesterday....stinky!! For all you new and soon to be banded peeps out there, get the BM regime started right away, don't let it build up.

I am still feeling like I am dieting, I try to stick to the 1/2c per meal, then find myself snacking all day long.  So today i just upped my meal size by 1/4c and made a MAJOR effort to ditch the snacks.  I feel pretty good so far, or maybe I just know (hope) that tomorrow I will get my first fill!!  My surgeon gave me a large band with a 14cc capacity, I currently have 4ccs from surgery.  I can't wait for a little more restriction. 

One of the people that works in the same office I do commented on my droopy butt pants today.  These pants are quite large, but I just can't see spending any money on smaller pants for a month or so.  I have some clothes from 4-5 years ago that I should be able to fit into soon.  I just need to make these last a little bit longer!  I will post stats tomorrow, but I still am not seeing much deflation of Hot Duchess.  I say Bon Voyage daily to my boobies, but my gut just won't leave!  UGGGG!

Peaches was officially offered his promotion today, along with at 17% raise.  I am happy about the money, but I am more excited about the job.  Basically he is going to be building a brand new department from the ground up.  He has done something similar to this two other times with the same company, but this will be the first time he will have the title and salary to match the workload!   

Happy May Day everyone!!  Go outside and enjoy the spring time greenery! 

Monday, April 30, 2012

**WARNING** Graphic content

It's been four days now, since I was able to make a #2.    I am eating fiber chews twice a day, taking EFAs once a day and drinking a ridiculous amount of water.  I pee 500 million times a day, but any #2  is stuck.  I have called my weight loss doctor to see what I else I can do to help this, because it is getting ridiculous.  Even the poopy I had on Thursday was like birthing a baby or what I imagine having a baby is like.  There was cussing, sweating and lamaze breathing involved.

Eating (or not eating) has been hard, hard, hard.  I am still on pureed food until Wed, when I hopefully get my first fill.  And believe me, I NEED that fill.  I am supposed to only eat 1/2c of food at a time and I am doing my best to stay there, but I am sure I am eating more than that at least half the time.  I am also snacking, I don't stay full very long if I even feel it at all.  I am still making good choices, my snacks are applesauce or sting cheese.  I just want the restriction back that I felt the first couple weeks!!  I noticed that I have one little stitch sticking out of my port incision that I hope my doc will take care of while I am in there.  Peaches just wants to pull on it really hard, I am worried that I will come 'unzipped' and all my guts will fall out or something!

I will also get cleared for exercise other than walking on Wed, I hope.  I want to get my personal trainer party started!  I am really anxious to get in the gym and get my sweat on.  This weekend I picked up a pair of New Balance shoes for the gym, they do not allow outside shoes in there.

This weekend I had some really strange pains in my band area when I woke up in the mornings.  It would go away after two or three hours, but felt like a cramp.  Anyone else have this problem?

Thanks for all your advice with the family next door, I have not made any choices on what to do about them.  I am really worried that if I complain to anyone about it they will try and hurt my animals again.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

A little non-band help request......

Soooo....all you ladies out there with kids, I need a little help.  Last fall a family with seven kids moved in next door to us, I personally don't want kids but I do love them.  However, we quickly ran into some problems with these neighbors.  They would pile all their leaves/snow in our driveway, they shot at my cat with a BB gun, they took a package off my porch (I have a super nosy neighbor across the street, she sees everything!!).  After the BB gun and package incidents I went over to talk to the mother, she basically told me to bug off.  Two days later the cops were at my door because someone reported us as hoarders and neglectful to our animals.  Thankfully the cops came in looked at the clean, uncluttered house, chubby, happy puppies and kitties with food, water, a cupboard full of treats, a box full of toys and realized there was no validity.  They apologized profusely and left, going immediately next door to talk to them.  I can only guess they were the ones that called.  After this incident things started to calm down. 

Now that the weather is getting warmer more problems have arisen.  First we started coming home to all these muddy dirty splotches on the side of the house that faces theirs, it seems the kids are crossing a 10 ft tall hedge row to throw mud pies at my house (nosy neighbor saw them do it).  Then they got a trampoline that they put in the side yard (again right next to my house) and they jump and scream on it all evening long.  Now when I say scream, I don't mean a little hoot or holler with glee.  I mean 45 second long ear splitting screams because one or the other is mad, screams so loud that my dog (who never ever ever barks) will start barking.  Yesterday they added a pool, again on the side closest my bedroom window.  This added another place for lots of fighting and SCREAMING!!!  I know from past experience that talking to the parents will not be helpful, but I really can't take the screaming all summer long.  I get up around 5:15-5:30am so I go to bed around 9:30-10:00pm.  They are sometimes out there screaming until 10-11, even on school nights.  My question is, am I just being a horrible person and this is normal kid behavior?  Should I just invest in earplugs and live with it?  I know when I was growing up my parents were big on respect and screaming for the sake of screaming would not have been tolerated, but maybe I am just an old fuddy duddy!!  Anyone with a magic recipe for getting kids to quiet down please send it to me!!   

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Another Crazy Weekend

Whew!  Life has been throwing little poop balls at me for four days now!  On Friday about 17sec before I left for the weekend I get a phone call from my manager.  Apparently there was a big project that someone forgot to mention to our department, a project that needed to be ready for print by today at 2:30p.  I spent about 4 extra hours at work on Friday, 5-6 hours working at home on Sat morning, 9 hours on Sunday and was at work at 5:30a on Monday.  After a review meeting on the project yesterday, I spent another 6 hours working from home last night and another early morning and FINALLY we are done!!  I have my life back.

Here are my most recent stats, my boobies are shrinking daily.  I have already started a little savings account for plastic surgery, because mama wants a perky pair of boobies eventually!

Date Neck Arm Bust Chest Waist HD Hips Thigh Calf Weight
03/05/11 16.75 16 50.25 42 45.5 53 49.25 31.5 17.5 295.5
03/18/12 16.75 14 48.5 40.5 43.25 52.5 48.5 30.25 17.25 263.4
04/01/12 16.5 14 47.5 41.25 42.5 52 47.5 30.25 17 253
04/08/12 16.25 14 47.25 40 41.75 52.25 47.5 29.5 16.75 249.8
04/16/12 16.5 14 46.75 39.5 41 50.5 47 29.25 17 246
04/22/12 16 14.25 46.5 38.5 41 50.5 47 29 16.75 243

Started week two of purees yesterday...and it can't go fast enough!!  I have taken several small liberties this week, like string cheese and cottage cheese.  These are not specifically on my 'approved' list, but I thought they would be ok.  I don't really ever feel physically full anymore, not while I am eating 1/2c at a time.  Any feeling of satisfaction I get from the food lasts about 2-2.5 hours, so I am ready for a fill already!!  FO SHO!!

On a side note...has anyone else discovered the deliciousness that is Downton Abbey?  OMG, hot British guys...yum!!  In the small amount of down time I had this weekend I watched the first season and will start the second sometime this weekend.  Total sexalicious drama!

Friday, April 20, 2012


I have gotten a couple comments and emails from soon to be bandsters about my two last two posts.  I just want to make it clear that in NO WAY do I regret getting the band and I don't doubt that I will be successful, even with dealing with this mental crap.  I have never felt more hope or motivation to lose this weight!!  So please, please, please don't let my whining make you re-think your decision.  But honestly it is a battle for me to make the right choices, at this point.

Bandster Hell cont....

I made Peaches take a new route to work this morning, on the normal street we go down 'Fast Food Alley'.  There is a KFC, Wendy's, McDonalds, Taco Bell, Taco Johns, Pizza Hut, Chalet Market (a local sammie shop I LOVE) and Hardees.  I just look at them all and dream.  I am really dieting at this point, I am pretty sure I could fit anything I wanted to into my belly. 

I was talking to Peaches about this and he wanted to know why I am feeling this so much right now.  I had a mini-breakdown when I told him that he was a jerkface skinny jerky jerk and would never understand, I went to my flowerbeds and started digging.  While I was digging I did a lot of thinking and here is my theory....I am feeling sorry for myself.  If I could just have a grilled chicken breast with grilled zuchini, I really think I would not even want the junk.  I just want real food, not food I can eat with a straw!!  Woe is me!!  BUT I still have just over a week on pureed food and then two weeks on soft foods and my surgeon has scared the poop out of me on what could happen if I move too fast.  So I will stay the course, but I can't promise that Blanche won't venture out of her cage....maybe for the entire next month. 

I told Peaches all of this and he let me know he would be staying with his friend Hank for the next month, but would be home on Wed nights to take out the garbage.  Hahaha, he thinks he is soooo funny!!  So, my plan...I went through Narcotic Anonymous when I was 20.  I worked the 12 steps and have been sober for 12yrs  4mnths and 6 days.  I will use the rules for getting sober to get me through this.  One day at a time and if that is too long then one hour or one minute.  After telling Peaches all of this I then had to apologize for flipping my s*it and even though he was not mad, I felt the need to make up.  So I burned more calories!! 

Thursday, April 19, 2012

The First Circle of Bandster Hell

The swelling in my tummy has gone down A LOT in the lastr hree days, this means I no longer feel full on the 1/2c of food I am supposed to be eating every four hours.  I WANT MORE!!  I want it! I want it! I want it!  And I don't want more of the super duper proteined up cauliflower puree I made, no I want a freaking hot dog, or a hamburger or a piece of cake.....or a mother effing cinnabon!!!

Yesterday I was a good friend, I drove two friends of mine to the airport.  They were talking about getting something to eat on their layover in Salt Lake.  I told them laughingly about how I used to make sure I flew Delta because there is a Cinnabon at the end of the Delta concourse, so no matter how short the time between flights I knew I could run down there and get one.  About two hours after dropping them off I get a picture of a HUGE cinnabon and a message saying ' I thought of you when I ate this'.  B*tch, what a b*tch.  I know she didn't do this to be mean and even a month ago I would have just laughed.  But now I dream not only about the doughy, gooey deliciousness of the Cinnabon, I dream about punching her in the face after I eat it.....ok not really.....well I did think about it, but I am not really the violent type.

So my fantasies about Cinnabon on top of my reduced swelling/restriction are making me angry and irritable.  I even looked up the calories of a Cinnabon...a mere 880!!  ONLY 880!!  Considering that is what I take in for an entire day right now, holy cracker jack! 

I go see my surgeon again on 05/02, I am hoping with all I have in me that I get a fill.  Even two weeks just seems soooooo long.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Puree in, equals puree out

Well I am rocking the purees, but my digestive system is not really loving it.  On Monday it was a one full months of liquids, so I think it might be protesting it a bit.  I spent a lot of the night in the potty and I will be working from home today so I don't need to worry about any shared restroom embarrassment at work.  Peaches also went to the store before work to pick up some flushable wipes, as my bum was hurting a bit.  I LOVE to work from home, I get wear yoga pants and tee shirts, multi-task with laundry and dishes and cuddle with my puupies and kitties during conference calls.

All went well yesterday with my Barium Swallow, everyone seemed pleased with the placement of the band.  My surgeon thinks I will be ready for a fill when I come in for my one month visit.

One thing I have not talked too much about is my goals, I don't really have a goal weight.  I know when I was in college and playing rugby I weighed 150-155, had a six pack and was pretty solid, but I just don't see that being where I want to be now.  After talking to my weight loss doctor I have picked a tentative number of 175, but will just wait until I feel good and stop I guess.  I do have one number and date in mind though, that is 190 by November 15th.  For Christmas this past year I got Peaches a 12 day trip to the Costa Rica (he has never been out of the country).  And a lot of the activities have a weight limit of 200 on them, so by the time we leave on Nov 15th I would like to be at least 190 (leaving some wiggle room) so I will be able to ride horses, zip line and parasail.

This post is kind of random, I know.  But I wanted to update everyone on my gym tour yesterday.  It was with Apex Personal Training and Fitness.  The owner and the two trainers I met were awesome, they realized that I have special nutritional needs and asked for more information on what that would be.  So instead of just trying to force their stuff on me, they wanted to learn about what my nutritionist suggests.  I did not feel one ounce of judgement for my weight or surgery and even felt a little excitement from them at 'getting their hands on me'!!  The gym is small, but has everything I might need.  I also got a new '10 pack' pass to the yoga studio in town that I love.  I still have two weeks before I am released for lifting over 10 lbs and serious working out, but I think I am ready for it!

Two different times I found myself just staring into my open fridge, prowling for something to eat.  Thankfully I didn't have anything too bad in the house, but if it had been there I think I would have shoved it all down!!  I am not really hungry, I just want my mouth!  So the first time I went to the fridge, I did the laundry and wiped down my washer and dryer instead.  The second time I took two of my pups for a walk.  If I am conscience of it, I can catch the behavior and avert it, but sometimes it just sneaks up on me, then it's like nude mud wrestling to get it in line.  I just keep telling myself I am building new habits, and on those new habits I will build my new life.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Sweet, sweet purees....How I love thee

Let me count the ways:
1.     Variety
2.     I get to pretend chew
3.     Varitey

That about sums it up!! 

I had home made refried black beans and chicken, squished up avocado/lemon juice and Greek yogurt for dinner.  It was heaven!!  This morning I had a squished up banana and Greek yogurt, again heaven.  Now I am sure two weeks from now I will be b*tching about the puree stage, but for now I will revel in the bliss that it is. 

I am going to tour a gym right by my house tonight, they have a really cool 'full service' personal training program that I am all excited about!!  For my monthly fee I will get access to the gym, two session a week with my trainer, monthly body composition testing (letting me know my muscle mass vs fat mass), monthly health counseling sessions (where we go over nutrition, goals, lifestyle changes), monthly fitness assessments (cardio and flexibility), exercise assignments for the days I am not with my trainer and the rental of a body bug to track my calories burned and such.  My dad has even offered to pay for my first month to get me on track with my new lifestyle, so I am super excited.  I did have some apprehension about even looking for a trainer, I had a really bad interaction with my a trainer at my old gym.  He basically told me I was cheating and I disgusted him more for doing the surgery than for being fat.  So I emailed the owner of Apex Personal Training and just laid it out.  I am a morbidly obese woman, ready to get my life back.  I am willing to do the work and I have the added help of a Lapband.  Is there a trainer there that would be willing to help me on my journey, if not FINE but be honest.  I refuse to listen to BS.  He wrote me back and said they have several clients that had WLS and his philosophy is they will work as hard as me to get me where I want to be, but they will NEVER work harder than me.  So I set the pace.  I am super excited!!  Also Peaches can join too for just an additional $10 a month.

I came home to a surprise yesterday, Peaches got me a shirt with what will now be my new motto...

 I love the Muppets and I have been facing some hatin on the issue of my Lapband so it really rang home!!  He got it in a XXL, XL and a L, he is sooo adorable. 

Monday, April 16, 2012

Back from the Doctor!

My doctor said everything is looking good, I was finally able to remove the last of the steri-strips, yah!!!  However my surgeon has asked for a barium swallow test, because she used a large band and just wants to make sure everything is still where is is supposed to be on the inside.  I will be doing that tomorrow morning and I am a little nervous about it.  (I talked to Peaches about this, he assured me I am good at swallowing and have nothing to worry about...hahahahaha.) But really I am letting my what-iffer and anxiety kick into overdrive!!  What if it was too lose and has moved and they have to do surgery and my insurance won't cover it for some reason and ...and ....and ...well that's as far as I have gotten so far.

I am going to start going back to yoga, going to a slow and gentle class tonight.  I am hoping this will help me center myself and find my chi again, I seem to have misplaced it!

I need another weekend!!

I came to work this morning feeling cheated, like I didn't actually get a weekend.  BOOOO!!

For Christmas Peaches and I gave his brother and sister-in-law a gift certificate to a Chico Hot Springs Resort (this amazing little hotel with a HUGE naturally heated pool and an amazing restaurant), along with a 'coupon' for a weekend of babysitting.  They cashed in this past weekend, so we had Niece 1 (10 yrs) and Niece 2 (4 years).  Friday night we took them for pizza, Sat night we bar-b-qued and rented a movie and yesterday the girls and I had a 'girl' date and went to lunch and to see Mirror Mirror.  I love to be Auntie Morgan for the weekend, but holy cracker jack kids are a TON of work.  I really admire all you moms out there.

We also got all of our landscaping done in the yard, whew!!  I thought the rototiller I rented was going to be one of those cute little things that you just walked behind....WRONG-O!!!  It was a huge beast of a thing that nearly shook the poo out of me if I tried to use it.  Peaches did the tilling while I used the power rake and mowed.  Then we both shoveled dirt, sand and gravel.  Now I am pretty sure I pinched a nerve or something, my left side is weak and tingly. 

On the band front, I go for my two week visit with my weight management doctor and nurse today.  M, my nurse/guru, will be going over the Pureed Stage with me and I will start on that tonight!!  I can't wait, it makes my heart happy to think about getting closer to solid foods.  I am kind of nervous though, the batteries in our scale are dead and they are these weird 3v disc batteries and it seems like every time I am at a store I forget them, even when they are on the list....maybe it's a sub conscience thing.  Anyway I have not weighed myself since last Tue!!  I am thinking of asking if I could get naked to weigh at the Dr office today.

Something else that has my crazy what-iffer brain going off is my port.  It is still pretty sore and it seems like it is 'taller' now.   Like it is sticking out more.  I start going over stuff in my head, like lifting a laundry basket three days after surgery...did my port flip??  I can what-if anything for hours and hours.  My surgeon did tell me that she sews the port onto a piece of surgical mesh (the kind used to repair hernias) then sews they whole thing to the abdominal wall, she has found that this prevents flipped ports, so I feel a little better.  But I can't quite shut my brain down!!! 

So with my busy weekend I did not read a single blog, but I am using my quiet morning at work to get all caught up on what's been shaking in your worlds!