I wrote here about changing my relationship with Sugar and last Sunday I unthinkingly let her (Sugar) back in my life. We had taken Peaches' mom to Olive Garden for mother's day and when those delicious little Andes mints came I just popped it in my mouth. As soon as it started to melt and all the chocolately deliciousness was on my tongue (and I had a small orgasm) I realized my mistake. I thought about spitting it out but realized I am too much of a lady (and I was enjoying my orgasm too much) so I finished it. Then I spent a lot of time stressing out about it. Did I just open the flood gates? Was I going to go on a binge from hell now? Was there enough chocolate in the whole state of Montana to satisfy me?
I think the stress about succumbing kept me on the straight and narrow for the first several days, by day three I was all about the granola bars. Not the good kind, the Quaker Chewy ones...specifically the peanut butter chocolate chip ones. I was deluding myself that because it was a granola bar the 100 cals per didn't really count. So the more upset I got about eating one the more I wanted the next one, this lead to an incredible 5 at one sitting and a horrible tummy ache. Once I had hidden all the wrappers and my stomach stopped hurting enough for me to breath, I sat myself down and gave myself a little chat. My obesessing/fear about bingeing was what kept if foremost in my mind and created the shitstorm that I fell into. So I had a mint, so I had 5 granola bars in 10 min, I was not going to dwell on it, shit happens. (These are all lessons learned from you ladies during the Cadbury incident.) Once I had recovered a small sense of logic and reason I spent some time contemplating Sugar and how I was going to deal with her. I was going to take our relationship for a test drive, a sane test drive. She was back in my life and that's fine, I would see her once or twice a week maybe. I would not sleep in her driveway, call her house 500 times and hang up, I would not try to steal her dirty undies or drive cross country in a diaper to hunt her down. This is not an obsessive relationship, that was my down fall before, this was a normal, casual dating type relationship.
Tuesday was my 'reflection' day and since then I have eaten several pieces of licorice, two bites of milky way and a 1/4c of frozen yogurt. I feel ok about this, I have logged it all in MFP, I have done it openly in front of Peaches and my friends. No hiding in the bathroom, no midnight runs to the alley to throw away the wrappers. Right now Sugar and I are just dating, nothing serious. You may even call it a mere flirtation. So here's to hoping I don't go all Fatal Attraction on her!!