About four years ago I started doing yoga pretty regularly at a local yoga studio, then I managed to gain 75lbs in 5 months and could no longer even get up off the floor with out rocking myself into motion. It became very hard to even see my toes, let alone stretch to touch my toes. Come to think of it everything became hard at that point...tying my shoes, walking up stairs, making sexy time with Peaches, talking without losing my breath. Even with losing out on so many things it still took me four years to decide to do something about it. I spend a lot of time wondering why it is so hard for me to really get a clear look at myself, physically and psychologically.
I am not the the type of person to keep my opinion to myself, generally by the time the thought has time to form in my head it is already half way out of my mouth. And I have an opinion on EVERYTHING, more than one in most cases! But when it comes down to really analyzing my weaknesses, I've got NADA! Now as much as I would like to believe that is because I just don't have any weaknesses, it's most likely not the case...although outside of this blog I will deny I ever, ever said that. When my mom was alive I used her as the yard stick by which I measured myself, I often had the internal dialogue of 'Is this a good idea? Would I tell mom about it? Yes-THEN DO IT!! No-Then let's re-think this one a bit." She was the one that asked me the hard questions, the ones that kept me up at night and made me cry, but also made me grow. But she is gone now and no one else really holds that mirror up in front of me and asks me to look at myself.
I have decided that I will be that person, I am a big girl....a BIIIIIG girl and I think I am finally ready to hold my own mirror. Why did I let myself get this fat? Because I feel like my mom died being disappointed in me and I don't deserve to be happy. Now that is one thought I managed to keep inside my head for a long, long time...I don't think I have ever even acknowledged that was there. I want to be successful in this journey, I want to get my life back, I want to do yoga and tie my shoes, and walk up stairs and talk without losing my breath (I am still making the sexy time with Peaches but not a artfully and athletically as I would like). And in order to do that I need to hold myself accountable and remove the excuses that got me here.
So tomorrow morning I am going to yoga and even if I get stuck I will salute the sun, face my dog downward and change my cat into a cow!
All about Minimizing
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
A long story about......me!!
The first post….I don’t know if anyone other than me will ever read this, but in case they do I am going to give a little rundown of the reason for the blog. I am a Fatty McFatterson and I am trying like mad to do something about that. I want help holding myself accountable, I want a place to track my progress and a place to brag about my accomplishments. Will this be the place to do that? I don’t know but I have spent a lot of time researching the Lapband and I believe I have gotten the most beneficial information from the jillions of blogs I have read and continue to read. So I thought I could give this a whirl and add it to my arsenal of tools used to help me in my ‘Battle of the Bulge’.
I first started thinking about WLS after my OB/GYN suggested it in Jan of 2010. I knew I was overweight, I knew with the other health issues I had/have that losing the weight would help and I knew that I was tired of being held back from the things I wanted to do. At the time I knew someone that was struggling after gastric bypass and that freaked me out a smidge, so I thought that if I really dedicated myself to it, this time would be the time I could keep the weight off. For 9 months I ate better, exercised and lost. I started around 285 and in Sept I was hovering over the 240 mark. In October I went crazy a little, not like eating crazy but had an itty bitty breakdown and started some medication that had two lovely side effects: increased cravings for sweets and weight gain. When the medication wars were finally over in March 2011 I was at an all-time high of 295 and ready for some help!!
I am a procrastinator by nature so it took another month to go to the informational seminar at the Weight Loss Clinic and two more months to make the first appointment with my doctor. During those three months I was doing my research and checking out lapbandtalk.com religiously and somehow I stumbled across Lap Band Gal’s blog. I stayed up most of the night reading all her posts from the beginning and the next day I called to make the appointment for 06/06/11. At my first appointment with the doctor I weighed 282 and was given the list of requirements I needed to fulfill to get this done: a visit with a nutritionist, exercise physiologist, psychologist, one educational seminar and three support groups. My insurance also required 6 months of a supervised weight loss program. I had all the requirements (except the six months obviously) done by mid-July, then it was just a waiting game.
In September my company announced that they were going to be changing insurance companies at the end of the year. When I heard this I call the coordinator, M, at the Clinic and found out how that would work if we submitted my paper work in Dec. Basically she said we could keep our fingers crossed that I could get approved and in for surgery in the three weeks between 12/06 when she could submit my paperwork and the end of the year. December 31st came and went and I heard nothing about approval or denial, so M said we could submit at the new insurance and start the waiting game over again.
On January 5th I came home after work to an approval letter for lapband surgery, the only problem….it was from the company to which I no longer belonged!! After crying a smidge, cussing A LOT and the promise of a ritual burning of the poopy letter with my BFF, I got my shizz back together and shaved my legs. (If you read the About Me section, you will realize that my leg hair holds magical powers and once released by shaving they can go into the world and make a difference).
That brings us to now, 8 days into the wait for another approval!! My question now is....do I shave everyday in the hopes that is the day they review my request or do I call them demand to know the exact day they will be reviewing and save the 'leg hair juju' for the right moment....hard to say. If you held on for all of that, I thank you!!
I first started thinking about WLS after my OB/GYN suggested it in Jan of 2010. I knew I was overweight, I knew with the other health issues I had/have that losing the weight would help and I knew that I was tired of being held back from the things I wanted to do. At the time I knew someone that was struggling after gastric bypass and that freaked me out a smidge, so I thought that if I really dedicated myself to it, this time would be the time I could keep the weight off. For 9 months I ate better, exercised and lost. I started around 285 and in Sept I was hovering over the 240 mark. In October I went crazy a little, not like eating crazy but had an itty bitty breakdown and started some medication that had two lovely side effects: increased cravings for sweets and weight gain. When the medication wars were finally over in March 2011 I was at an all-time high of 295 and ready for some help!!
I am a procrastinator by nature so it took another month to go to the informational seminar at the Weight Loss Clinic and two more months to make the first appointment with my doctor. During those three months I was doing my research and checking out lapbandtalk.com religiously and somehow I stumbled across Lap Band Gal’s blog. I stayed up most of the night reading all her posts from the beginning and the next day I called to make the appointment for 06/06/11. At my first appointment with the doctor I weighed 282 and was given the list of requirements I needed to fulfill to get this done: a visit with a nutritionist, exercise physiologist, psychologist, one educational seminar and three support groups. My insurance also required 6 months of a supervised weight loss program. I had all the requirements (except the six months obviously) done by mid-July, then it was just a waiting game.
In September my company announced that they were going to be changing insurance companies at the end of the year. When I heard this I call the coordinator, M, at the Clinic and found out how that would work if we submitted my paper work in Dec. Basically she said we could keep our fingers crossed that I could get approved and in for surgery in the three weeks between 12/06 when she could submit my paperwork and the end of the year. December 31st came and went and I heard nothing about approval or denial, so M said we could submit at the new insurance and start the waiting game over again.
On January 5th I came home after work to an approval letter for lapband surgery, the only problem….it was from the company to which I no longer belonged!! After crying a smidge, cussing A LOT and the promise of a ritual burning of the poopy letter with my BFF, I got my shizz back together and shaved my legs. (If you read the About Me section, you will realize that my leg hair holds magical powers and once released by shaving they can go into the world and make a difference).
That brings us to now, 8 days into the wait for another approval!! My question now is....do I shave everyday in the hopes that is the day they review my request or do I call them demand to know the exact day they will be reviewing and save the 'leg hair juju' for the right moment....hard to say. If you held on for all of that, I thank you!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)